Most guys would think twice before going a full month without shaving. This is me, not shaving for a full month:

PREPOSTEROUS.

Any guy stops shaving for three or four weeks and he turns into a member of ZZ top. But not me. I just had to be born with shitty beard genes. I mean look at that. It's like fucking chicken scratch all over my face.

I know all the guys who are cursed with having to shave on a daily basis are like "OMG shut the fuck up you're so fuckin' lucky you're not growing a 5 o' clock shadow at 10 a.m.!". Whatever. Having a full beard looks much better than having some weak-ass facial hair that makes your face look dirty instead of manly. I look like a teenager unsuccesfully pretending to be older. At least I can ...Keep reading.

Posted in Family, Rants, WTF | 13 Comments »

 

Seriously. Kitty wigs.

WIGS.

FOR.

CATS.

Who cares about a crumbling economy, Benazir getting shot, rising crime rates or heiresses stripped of their inheritance (LOL Paris HAHA) when you have KITTY WIGS! FUCKING GODDAMN KITTY WIGS!

Look at that. Gaze at all the glamour and allure of this marvelous invention. It just creams classy and distinguished. To top it all off, here's an excerpt from the caption that accompanies the picture above, directly from it's creator:

Posted in WTF | 2 Comments »

GODDAMN THESE FUCKING STUPID FUCKING BITCHES IN SUVS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE FOR SHIT I MEAN EVERY-FUCKING-TIME I GO OUT ONE OF THESE DUMB ASS BITCHES GOTTA BE ON THE STREETS DOING DUMB SHIT CAUSE BITCH GOT A CAR THAT'S TOO BIG FOR HER AND SHE DONT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE ITS LIKE A FUCKING MIDGET DRIVING A SUBMARINE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE INCONSIDERATE WHORES TALKING ON THE PHONE AND DOING THEIR MAKEUP AND SMACKING THEIR SCREAMING FILTHY CHILDREN ALL AT THE SAME TIME THEN THEY GET ALL PISSY IF THEY FUCK SOME SHIT UP AND YOU SCREAM SHIT AT THEM THEY GET ALL UP IN YOUR FACE LIKE IT WAS YOUR FAULT WHEN ITS REALLY THEIR FAULT FOR GETTING THEIR FUCKING GODDAMN LICENSE OUT OF A BAG OF CHEETOS BITCH PLEASE GET YOURSELF A BIKE OR ...Keep reading.

Posted in Rants, WTF | 5 Comments »

...and stuff a shit-ton of things you couldn't bring into prison so we can smuggle it in on our next prison visit day!

I'm starting this initiative since Tor is a broken man and needs to do something to make Paris feel al better, since his world revolves around her (plus we need him to continue the "Paris Hilton Chronicles" he has been religiously writing on the newspaper).

 Inside that cake we could smuggle a few things Paris could find helpful or comforting, like:

So these crazy bitches at work are taking this "miraculous" weight loss pill.

What does this have to do with the title? Well I'm referring to the drug Xenical, which is being branded as the new wonder drug when it comes to shedding the fat out of your system. Thats right. This is the second coming of Fattaché, people. Except Xenical is an FDA approved, internationally promoted pill recommended by dieticians everywhere, unlike that other stuff that's promoted by old, attention-starved media whores.

Now, how exactly does this wonder drug "shed" the fat it traps when you eat the usual mountain of grease-drenched crap you're not supposed to be eating anyway? Naturally, you expel it through your ass. In it's natural oily form. What does this mean exactly?

ANAL LEAKAGE. Good lord, people ...Keep reading.

Posted in Rants, WTF, Work | 18 Comments »

Tags: xenical, diet, pills, oil, shit, stain