How can I be in such a crappy mood on a day like this?Usually Saturdays are the perfect day to relax. You go shopping, you dick around the house, you procrastinate, you drink, you go out, you have sex, you name it. And the best thing is, you don't have to worry about the morning after since it's sunday so hangovers/drug binges/furry yiff orgies are usually a go. So what am I so pissed off at the fact that it's saturday? Look at your window. Do you see an overcast sky, similar to this one?

Don't misunderstand. I'm not turning into some whiny emo fag that gets depressed on dark, cloudy days. Fuck, I love rainy days, the naps you can take with that chilly breeze and the sound of raindrops are godly. But there are times when the sky turns ...Keep reading.

Posted in Rants | 5 Comments »

Tags: Headache, migraine, rain, barometer, aspirin, acetaminophen

 

GODDAMN THESE FUCKING STUPID FUCKING BITCHES IN SUVS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE FOR SHIT I MEAN EVERY-FUCKING-TIME I GO OUT ONE OF THESE DUMB ASS BITCHES GOTTA BE ON THE STREETS DOING DUMB SHIT CAUSE BITCH GOT A CAR THAT'S TOO BIG FOR HER AND SHE DONT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE ITS LIKE A FUCKING MIDGET DRIVING A SUBMARINE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE INCONSIDERATE WHORES TALKING ON THE PHONE AND DOING THEIR MAKEUP AND SMACKING THEIR SCREAMING FILTHY CHILDREN ALL AT THE SAME TIME THEN THEY GET ALL PISSY IF THEY FUCK SOME SHIT UP AND YOU SCREAM SHIT AT THEM THEY GET ALL UP IN YOUR FACE LIKE IT WAS YOUR FAULT WHEN ITS REALLY THEIR FAULT FOR GETTING THEIR FUCKING GODDAMN LICENSE OUT OF A BAG OF CHEETOS BITCH PLEASE GET YOURSELF A BIKE OR ...Keep reading.

Posted in Rants, WTF | 5 Comments »

 

So these crazy bitches at work are taking this "miraculous" weight loss pill.

What does this have to do with the title? Well I'm referring to the drug Xenical, which is being branded as the new wonder drug when it comes to shedding the fat out of your system. Thats right. This is the second coming of Fattaché, people. Except Xenical is an FDA approved, internationally promoted pill recommended by dieticians everywhere, unlike that other stuff that's promoted by old, attention-starved media whores.

Now, how exactly does this wonder drug "shed" the fat it traps when you eat the usual mountain of grease-drenched crap you're not supposed to be eating anyway? Naturally, you expel it through your ass. In it's natural oily form. What does this mean exactly?

ANAL LEAKAGE. Good lord, people ...Keep reading.

Posted in Rants, WTF, Work | 18 Comments »

Tags: xenical, diet, pills, oil, shit, stain

What is it about Black Friday that drives people the people in this island to sheer madness and wanton mayhem?

I haven't had the... "joy" of waking up at 3 a.m., driving to the local superstore and joining THIS:

You'd think the slave drivers at Wal-Mart were giving away free money, but no. This is a typical Black Friday dawn, the sun hasn't even risen, and people are already lining up to get what, $10? $30 bucks off a fucking microwave?

I cannot even believe what is on the minds of anyone who would willingly attend this shitfest. Can you imagine the smell? Just close your eyes and picture it. Hundreds of "bargain hunters" tightly packed together. Mothers with their babies changing them on the spot and throwing shit-filled diapers on the floor. People who've actually spent the whole ...Keep reading.

Posted in Rants | 23 Comments »

Continuing with the trend of ridiculous spam that makes it through my Gmail's filter, I present you with a literary treasure (TRASHure?), courtesy of a word generating bot and a very, VERY idiotic ethanol company trying to pimp their "rapidly increasing" stock. I won't even mention their name, the fuckers, even though they made me laugh out loud with their stupid little spambot.

Anyway, "Anita Heard" was the generated name for the sender, and as I read I couldn't imagine a woman in such a disturbed state of mind that she would crank up shit like this just for kicks. Leave it to a machine to come up with this sort of unadulterated insanity. If a woman in real life is able to articulate stuff like this, I picture her in the padded white room of an insane asylum, ...Keep reading.

Posted in OMG, Rants | 5 Comments »