Watch this. Just FUCKING WATCH THIS. That's all I ask of you. I promise your life will never be the same again.

QUE VIVA LA REPÚBLICA ME CAGO EN LA MARDITÍSIMA MADRE DER COÑASO!

Posted in Dominican stuff, WTF | 14 Comments »

No, really, that bitch is C-R-A-Z-Y.

A long, long, time ago, we lived in a nice house in the southeast of Dominican Republic. It was a spacious, breezy, pleasant place, full of wonder and glee. Happy times, were those.
During the times that these events happenned, Lucifer used to work overseas (in other words, he worked where we are now). So in my house, my mom was the Matron. The Queen of the Castle. The Madam. At least until my father came by, which happened about once a month.
This went on for a couple of years, while Lucifer settled down overseas.
I don't want to sound harsh, or cold, or insensitive, but... Goddamn, those were the best years of my life!
Back to the story. One morning, we were woken up by the cleaning lady with some startling news. There was a huge turd in our backyard. And it was ...Keep reading.

Posted in Dominican stuff, Family, WTF | 2 Comments »

I was told to call the insurance office today so I could get some info about how much money they're gonna throw at my face.
It was obvious that $3,700 in damages was a "slightly" exagerated amount for a smashed car door, so I was expecting them to see through all the shit that was included in the appraisal and maybe let me go with $800 bucks or maybe less.
When I called today, they said they approved over $1,100, and that they were going to give me $70 more once the car has been repaired. Why do they do that? holding on to such a measly amount until you get your affairs in order? Is it some stupid-ass method to prevent greedy assholes from taking the money and using it on something else?
I believe it is, but still, it's stupid as hell. That money belongs to the car's ...Keep reading.

Posted in Dominican stuff, Family, Work | No Comments »

Lucifer and Lillith have returned hand in hand from their self-imposed exile to the "Divided Lands" (Dominican Republic) and I am still alive to tell the tale.
I got off work at about 7 pm, and I haven't heard from the dynamic duo since about two days ago. I had the slight idea they would come back sometime during this week, but I wasn't sure when, and they never bothered to clarify that for me. Guess they didn't give a blistering fuck, just like I did.
All the way back from work, my mind was just playing back all the discussions, insults and accusations bound to be thrown at my face when I crossed that screen door:

Ectetera, etcetera, et-fucking-cetera. These imaginary bouts were getting worse the closer I ...Keep reading.

Posted in Dominican stuff, Family, Rants, WTF | No Comments »

The name sounds like a cheesy 80's Pussy-metal hair band, but it's not.
It is a very powerful poison, which smells like a fresh, ripe fart. Why does it come to mind?

Because I need some.
Don't fret, I don't plan on using it on myself or anyone else in a fit of Shakespearean dramatic madness, I need it because as of late, hordes of tiny cockroaches have been spawning from under the kitchen sink, and threaten to form an angry mob with tiny torches and pitchforks and throw me out of my own damn house, taking advantage of the fact that my parents aren't here and I'm the only one left to battle and subdue them.
My dad, cheerful genocidal warmonger that he is, has been using that noxious shit (Malathion) for years, ending all sorts of lower life forms with just a spritz in the right place. That shit ...Keep reading.

Posted in Dominican stuff, Family, Rants, WTF | 4 Comments »