Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, you bet your ass some money hungry Christoids want a piece of the profitable band simulation market. After the rampant success of Guitar Hero and Rockband, they needed to find an excuse to cater to all those “young sheep” whose brains are so wiped of all independent thought to the point where they are not allowed to hear or even like mainstream popular music. And what better way to do this than with the next thing since sliced… communion wafers?

I’m talking about:

WO0O0O0O0O0O! *devil horn sign*

…Oh shit wait I can’t do that! this is Jesus music. *Raises hands in praise, closes eyes and mutters uninteligibly*

For just $100 you too can rock out with your cock er… crucifix out to the solid sounds of wholesome christian rock, without the influence of those Satan worshipping secular bands like Fall Out Boy and Nickelback.

Some choice quotes from the official website:

• Shred those riffs or blast the bass…you add a unique sound to the solid Christian rock.
  
• But watch out: if you can’t keep up, the artists will take a break and stop the music.
  
• Crank it up and try again - you’ll soon be rockin’ with the best while praising the Lord!
• Onscreen lyrics reflect Christian values.  Vocalists can sing their hearts out as their friends play the guitar.

“The artists will take a break and stop the music”. HA! I love how they downplay the booing, flying bottles and onscreen humiliation that results from failing a song in the original games. How are continues implemented, I wonder. Through prayer?

And what exactly do they mean by “reflect christian values” and how come whatever the fuck those are end up being conveyed in a musical genre that hardcore Christians have condemned and reviled since it’s invention?

Does. Not. Compute.

Wait a minute, yes it does.

$$$$$$KA-CHING$$$$$

Harmonix and RedOctane should just jump ahead of the Jesus train and just make a huge download package for Guitar Hero and Rock Band that includes a shitload of Christian bands. That’ll show ‘em a lesson in opportunism.

Oh well, I guess if any of you need any more proof that God is fuckin’ metal, go read the Apocalypse.

I, on the other hand, shall enjoy my mosh pits…

IN HELL! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!

Posted in Frivolities, Geek Stuff, WTF |

7 comments to “Praise the Lord… While rockin’ the fuck out!”

Leave a Comment (It may take a while to appear)