Meet Aliana Lohan.
For those of you that are at least aware of the lifestyles of the rich and heinous and numerous websites devoted to them, she’s the younger sister of ambiguously lesbian whorebag trainwreck actress/”singer” Lindsay Lohan.
I usually don’t pay attention to Z-list little shits like her, but when she opens her mouth and spouts stuff like THIS, it’s hard not to want to just grab her, dope her up, saw open up her skull and take a huge shit inside, at least that way it can be filled with something resembling a brain. Apparently, little bitch is jealous of big ol’ sister. Here are some precious quotes from her interview in Us Magazine, along with some visual reference to put her words in perspective:
“I grew up watching Lindsay”
“and it made me want to do what she does”
“Just the whole vibe”
“Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you”
“it’s so cool when people look up to you.”
“I want it so bad. So bad you don’t even know.”
“And now, it’s actually happening,”
Actually it IS happening. Sooner than you might expect. It turns out that our teenage starlet in the making “accidentally” auditioned for porn director Peter Davy, who has produced such gems as Voodoo Lust and Dreams in the Forbidden Zone. The article says her mom/manager/pimp got pissed, but I’m pretty sure this was her original plan, an emergency procedure in case her career fails -which seems to be the obvious outcome- she’ll always have sleazy porn to fall back on. Somebody should introduce her mom to the makers of 2girls1cup. Stuff like that would make her famous in a matter of hours.
“Honey, did you eat enough Taco Bell? We need that shit to be extra creamy and corn studded for the next take, mkay? And remember to smile when you’re getting shit on. Just like I showed you.”
But let’s not direct our hate directly on to her. Ali’s lack of common sense and loose grip on reality is obviously the work of something more… demonic.
There’s nothing worse than a fame-hungry stage mom living vicariously through the lives of her children, forcing them into becoming everything she wanted to be when she was younger but was unable to because of a lack of talent or any redeeming qualities.
So in conclusion, Dina Lohan, because of your influence your younger daughter wants to become a drunken, coked out, promiscuous, talentless, sexually ambiguous music industry and box office poison. You must be a proud mom.
At least I breathe easy knowing that Anderson Cooper is onto you, bitch. Gotta love that silver fox.
How long until we get to see Ali Lohan’s first snatch shot/rehab/DUI/sex tape?
I give her 3½ years.
Not another bitch on the scene please. Que le pasa a estas madres… se junta esta donha con la madre de la britney y se jodio todo. PTA is fucked with this two.
by Reavel August 14th, 2008 at 10:51 pmLas tetas le crecieron a Ali, su madre debe estar que no cabe de la emocion pues ya las tetas de la nena se convirtieron en material de “tabloids”.
by Codeina August 15th, 2008 at 7:52 amNo me sorprendería si eso también fue orquestrado y financiado por la madre.
by Kaiser Dämmerung August 15th, 2008 at 9:26 am