Yeah, I know it’s been millenia since I wrote something in this place, it’s about time I dusted off the cobwebs, turned on the bar lights and start serving some appletinis to all of you perverted voyeurs out there.

So yeah. What has been going on this past few months in my life? I figured that since the last thing you wanna do in an internet littered with lame, boring piece o’ shit blogs is read a mile long diatribe about bitching, moaning and general emo behavior. So I’ll do my best to avoid the above and give you a condensed, juicy rundown. Shit… Where do I start. Oh yeah:

Outed at the job.

Not that I was forced to hide my sexuality, it’s just that it was fun keeping my coworkers in the dark and hearing them make up these ridiculous and extravagant tales about what my "girlfriend" looked like. They even gave "her" the nickname "Invi", as in Invisible. "She" became some sort of urban legend. During that time, my partner was thought to be:

• A gothic lolita.

  

• An S&M whore.

   

• A nerd chick.

• One of those depressed emo bitches who hangs in front of Border’s in Plaza Las Américas.

• And god knows what else (LINK IS NOT SAFE FOR FUCKING WORK! DO NOT OPEN AT WORK UNLESS YOU WANNA BE UNEMPLOYED.) 

That game went on until one of my coworkers had an unexpected epiphany. One day, when I was absentmindedly typing away at the keyboard, out of the blue she just blurts out: "You know what? what if this "Invi"  character turns out to be a GUY?".

 

Everyone froze. The few coworkers that already knew (two of them) glanced at her, then quickly turned around and started IM’ing each other nervously. I just gawked at her like a deer in headlights and burst out laughing uncontrollably. Then it dawned on her like a pile of bricks. I could see her mind caving in, processing this event and putting all the pieces together. And probably backtracking to check if she had made any homophobic jokes that may have offended me (yeah, everybody does that when they find out. It’s only natural.) After that, we couldn’t stop giggling for days because her expression of disbelief and outrage at being left in the dark was just priceless. Well, what can I say. It’s one of the side effects of being "straight-looking". Plus, I don’t like to advertise. My boss, however, did confess that she knew ages ago, since she is a professionally certified Fag Hag. You cannot fool a fag hag’s gaydar.
That was a very funny week. Now on to the next topic:

 "Webmastering" is hard shit

Goddamnit, Wiisteria has grown like a Resident Evil zombie plague. So much stuff to do, so little time. And to top it all off, the success of the site has brought even more side projects which are still going on, syphoning precious ME time that I could be spending having mindblowing orgasms with my partner. The recognition and chances at creativity are awesome, but it’s draining my energies horribly. On one side I feel that if I dedicate myself to one thing, say, web design, I’d fucking mop the floor with the blood of the mediocre (and trust me, there are many of those on this island). But I don’t have the time, resources or the contacts to make such a drastic jump from my "safe spot". Plus I can’t code for shit. Even though I can make you a webpage layout that will make you wanna touch yourself in naughty ways.
 I’d post some examples, but they’re secret works in progress and the owner would kill me and eat my remains with mayo-ketchup if I did.

The fabulous number 3

A couple of facts to fill your numerologist wet dreams: 3 years sharing my life with my beloved torment– I mean partner. 3 years grinding in my current job. 3 years of having stopped smoking. 3 years of getting laser eye surgery. 3  years of this blog. Can you believe I’ve been typing shit in this place for 3.. fucking… YEARS?? Most blogs don’t even last 6 months! this is insane. Even though most of the hits I get belong to those Celebrity Penis posts.

Hmmmm, I should work on more of those…

1 year of coexistence

Yep, 1 year of living together with my guy and I’ve yet to show my new place to my parents. Yep, I’m a bastard. They’re dying to know where their "innocent, defenseless, unexperienced little boy" ran off to, and I just haven’t found the time or the patience to show them. Meanwhile dad still thinks I’m livin’ the bachelor life in my fuck pad, bangin’ a different slut every day and being a lil’ playa. Little does he know that as far as things go for me in my new home life, I think I can handle a marriage -and staying faithful- MUCH better than him.

Gazing at balls (crystal ones) and seeing my future

And I’ll let you in on a little something: It does not involve me living in this island. I won’t say anything else because my plans are just getting started and I don’t wanna jinx anything or freak people out. Just be patient. I’ll fill you in later. (which, in Kaiserian blog speak, could be MONTHS).

I promised to keep this short and I’ve already have half a novel written so far, so I’ll stop and leave anything else for a future post. I’ll try to be more active this time around, promise! I kinda missed doing this cathartic clusterfuck on a regular basis. Plus, now that the Web designer bug has bitten me, who knows, maybe by the next post you’ll be reading from a new and improved "Supercilious 2.0 Beta Version Hyper Champion Edition".

Whatever happens, I won’t be gone for good. No sir.

^{Unlike that traitorous fucking cat who dissappeared off the blogosphere and left all of his fans in the dust. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Gatoqueen. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you. Inconsiderate asshole.}

Now carry on. I’ve taken enough of your time and given you enough gossip topics. Plus I need to clean this place up. It’s dusty as hell.

Posted in Dark Soul, Family, Gay, Lasik, Love Life, Reveries, Supercilious, Work |

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