I started this new category because, one day, while I was browsing my Itunes I realized: Goddamn, there are an awful lot of artists geared towards homosexuals in the music business! I mean even some artists whose intentions are not to appeal to the gay demographic actually manage to put out some seriously homo-friendly tunes.

I’ll clarify from this moment on that if any artist makes it on this category, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re gay either, just that their music is considered sweet ass-shaking material by numerous “heterosexually impaired” people out there, myself included of course. Certainly there will be some blatantly rainbow-colored-glitter-disco-diva-get-out-your-sequined-boa queer artists out there, I mean, Rupaul isn’t exactly a paragon of heterosexuality.

This category is just a showcase of what’s out there, you may see some mainstream artists, like you could see some obscure indie stuff. The only thing they will all have in common is that whenever you hear their music, your inner faggot is instantly activated and your head starts bobbing to one side (case in point, Gloria Gaynor’s “I will Survive” or anything by the Village People).

So enough with the pompous intro, let’s start this party with the gayest, queerest foursome Sweden has ever managed to pop out of her musical womb. And no, it’s not Ace of Base, fuckers.

I’m talking about:

ALCAZAR

I discovered this trio while listening to the Queer as Folk Season 1 soundtrack in Borders. It includes their first hit, “Crying at the Discoteque”, and instantly the “Haddaway Effect” took place (Haddaway effect = Head bobbing effect seen in Saturday Night Live skits caused by Haddaway’s hit single “What is Love”). I said “who the hell are these people? it’s like they got stuck in the 70’s and never came out”.

They’re obviously his hags.

Upon further investigation I found that they were a trio from Sweden, the holy land of campy disco pop music (ABBA anyone?), Their album is called Casino, and the group consists of two girls, Annikafiore and Tess, and one guy called Andreas. The guy is openly gay, as if you had any doubt, and the girls serve as backup disco sluts. Regardless of the obvious swedish overproduction, the song was monstrously catchy, which made me import their first CD. Which is awesome, by the way. Everything was great until I saw the video for “Crying at the Discotheque”:

Holy mother of sweet ass-ramming fuck. I think I just turned straight by watching this video. My queerness came full circle and reset itself by being witness to this rampant gay-o-rama. It’s alright that their music is campy, so a campy video is expected. But FUCK, this is BEYOND cheesy. This thing is truly the result of a video director’s coke binge in a night at Studio 54 back in ‘75.

After that, the videos kept being campy, but none of them ever topped that “Discoteque” one.

A little while after that, they added a new member to the roster, an even GAYER guy by the name of Magnus (you think with that name he’d be a little manlier, but no. he manages to be even queerer than all 4 members put together. An outstanding feat). They now become a foursome and release a new album called “Alcazarized”.

If gay had a scent, it would smell like this record.

With the addition of Magnus (blonde homo in the front) they incredibly managed to “out-queer” their previous album, producing a funkier, more retro sound and feel. This album spawned the next hit single, which even sounded heavily for a short while in Puerto Rico’s radio stations and became a megahit in Europe and a moderate success in the US dance charts:

This is the World We Live in.

This song is of course a remake of Genesis’ “Land of Confusion”, with the queer meter ramped up to 11.

After this CD, they went on to do numerous re-releases and concerts all over Europe, and once everything ended and the dust settled down (around a year and a half ago), they seemed to have taken an indefinite break. Apparently every one of them is pursuing individual projects now that they’re european superstars, so if you had any hope for a new Alcazar album anytime soon, you may be out of luck.

Oh well, at least we can entertain ourselves with their cheesy/chic videos. If you wanna see more, just tipe “Alcazar” in a YouTube search and try not to pull out the feathered boa.

This is their OFFICIAL SITE.

And yes, I am anxiously waiting for their next record.

Posted in Gay, GayTunes |

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