This is the first time in years that I’ve truly felt that new years eve really brought some changes all around. There’s been so much new stuff that I don’t even know where to begin! Usually new year’s eve is such a borefest that I end up either trying to get drunk (and quitting fearfully when I start feeling all pukey) or just sleeping it off. Pathetic, I know. But previously I usually spent new years with my folks, who are not exactly party animals when left by themselves.

This new year’s eve was no different. Since I’m no longer living with my folks I decided to spend it with them so I don’t end up looking like the antisocial pink sheep (even though the antisocial label is never gonna rub off no matter how hard I try). They decided to host the party in my sister’s house, who was very pregnant and was not in a position to go anywhere far or too noisy with that huge belly. I’ve always stated that, as well-meaning and good natured as my sister is, staying at her house is like watching a carcass rot in the hot desert sun. FUCKING BORING AS HELL. If it wasn’t for my trusty DS and a new copy of Castlevania I would have shoved a fistful of firecrackers in my ass and lighted a fart then started running down the street with my pants down and fiery smoking flares coming out of my asshole. Just to amuse myself a little.

Aside from the expectedly tedious celebration, the new year came, and so did a bunch of new stuff. The first of them all you might remember clearly, since I’ve been pimping it in this blog ad nauseam. I’m talking about:

WIISTERIA

DS and me got this baby running and it’s off to a GREAT  start. So far we have twenty something Puertorrican Wiis registered, a handful of overseas and international members, and twice as many people registered on the forum. Not bad for an idea that was spawned in a moment of workplace boredom and so far it has payed off really nicely. The only drawback is that now I’m gonna have to be in charge of two blogs, since we also implemented a news blog targeted for the Wii and other videogame consoles and their games. On the plus side you’re not gonna see as much videogame related "geek stuff" written here, since I’ll have to save some of that for that other blog. Also, a Myspace page was created for Wiisteria, which has also been very well received and reached over 100 friends in less than 2 weeks. Not even my own personal Myspace has that many! It seems there’s a lot of love going on for everything Wii nowadays. And speaking of Myspace…

REDESIGNED MYSPACE WHORING PAGE

Check me out!

I had never been a big Myspace nut, but after realizing the amount of people this tool can reach, a little extra publicity for this blog wouldn’t be half bad, so I basically remodeled the page and made it look like it’s actually part of this blog. I also started furiously kissing ass and hiked up the "friends" count. Hell, I even found people I hadn’t spoken to in a long time in one of those frantic searches. It seemed to have payed off, since I went from like 18 friends to over 50 in less than a week. Awesome. Now if they all just read this damn blog… Hehe.

REDESIGNED EL MONASTERIO

Latin America’s premier site for chaos, conspiracy and the occult has been given a friendlier, fresher look by yours truly (code work, as always, by the very talented DarK SouL). The page is almost 2 years old and we owed it a facelift months ago. And boy, did it deliver. Visually, the page still maintains it’s mysterious, ominous tone but not in a threatening, dark and depressing way like it’s previous incarnation. Still, the content remains the same ingenious, engrossing tales of otherworldly topics, and it’s gatekeeper is just as delightfully deranged as always.

NEW NEPHEW!!!!! OMGWTFBBQ!!!!111

Holy shit. As if I hadn’t had enough new stuff coming in from all sides, just two days after new years we are blessed with the arrival of our newest family member. I didn’t get a chance to be there on the actual day of birth (FUCKING WORK) but I dropped by the next day and had the chance to meet him. A cute little pink ball of hair. He was sleeping like a log, only moving around to shiver when he wasn’t properly covered. By the way what is the deal with hospitals and their goddamn glaciar air conditioning? geez.

My sister was in utter pain and in a fowl mood but was happy to see me. Being a fucking forgetful cunt I totally passed the idea to buy her some sort of flower arrangement or at least chocolate cigars with the usual "it’s a boy" label. I apologized for not being there the day before but she said not to worry, she was in no condition to see any people, what with her belly being gashed from hip to hip and all sewn up. She still wasn’t in a very sociable mood, especially with our mother lurking around, treating her like a first timer, and the squadron of nurses coming in and asking for weird stuff. At one point, a really annoyed looking nurse came in and the following took place:

Bitchy nurse: "Who’s the patient here? who’s the patient?"

Mom & Sis: "Huh?" (That was from utter disbelief at the stupid question. it was obvious my sister was the patient since she was wearing a robe and sandals, duh)

Bitchy nurse: "Did you pee? huh? have you peed?"

Everyone in the room: "WTF?"

At this point I just thought my sister had gone to the bathroom ans since she can’t walk right because of the wound and it takes her a lot of effort to stand up, she had made a horrible urine soaked  mess all over the bathroom, but that wasn’t the case at all.

Bitchy nurse: "I said, HAVE YOU ALREADY GONE TO THE BATHROOM AND PEED".

Sis: "Errrr. yeah?"

Bitchy nurse: "Ok yeah that was it, that’s all you needed to say".

She turned around in a flurry of curly hair and left. We all voiced different variations of the phrase: "What the fuck is wrong with that bitch?". Apparently there’s a nurse appointed to check if new mothers have emptied their bladders. I wonder what her title and job descriptions are. I was vaguely reminded of Margaret Cho’s hospital visit and the burly "HI MY NAME IS GWEN AND I’M HERE TO WAAAAAAASH YOUR VAGINA" lady.

After that surreal moment I stayed for a little while looking at my nephew squiggle, and as I’m about to leave, all of a sudden i hear a "SPLUUURRRGHPLUSHGGGGRRFRRRTPLTPFFRT"… Holy fucking shit that was the queen mother of all baby farts! Even my mom was freaked out, she said in all her years she had never heard a newborn baby fart so furiously before. Good god what are they feeding him? Anyway, that fart was my cue to leave, so I did. I’ve yet to see him again, but I’m a little afraid of my sister’s mood now that they’re back home and nobody can sleep regularly anymore. Maybe I’ll wait a few days…

Well, there you have it. This year started rolling with the momentum that had built up from last year’s latter half, and let’s hope it continues that way. I know it’s a bit late, but I hope all of you have a great, exciting and produtcive new year, preferably devoid of monstrous wet baby farts.

See ya around.

P.S.: Check out this shit in D.S.’s blog. Fucking hilarious. PLEASE THINK OF THE BIRDS! :_(

Posted in Dark Soul, Family, Geek Stuff, OMG, Reveries |

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