What is it about Black Friday that drives people the people in this island to sheer madness and wanton mayhem?

I haven’t had the… "joy" of waking up at 3 a.m., driving to the local superstore and joining THIS:

You’d think the slave drivers at Wal-Mart were giving away free money, but no. This is a typical Black Friday dawn, the sun hasn’t even risen, and people are already lining up to get what, $10? $30 bucks off a fucking microwave?

I cannot even believe what is on the minds of anyone who would willingly attend this shitfest. Can you imagine the smell? Just close your eyes and picture it. Hundreds of "bargain hunters" tightly packed together. Mothers with their babies changing them on the spot and throwing shit-filled diapers on the floor. People who’ve actually spent the whole night camping outside and haven’t showered. Filthy bums and druggies looking for a quick swipe of your wallet or purse. The local crazy person taking his clothes off on request. Ugh… I think I threw up a little in my mouth. The image is too vivid.

Now lets imagine that you, in an act of infinite wisdom, choose to ignore my warnings and actually decide to throw yourself head first into this adventure. Let’s say you cannot pass the chance of getting that multi-speed automatic remote controlled blender/juicer/coffee machine/sex toy for just $29.99 (original price $49.99 plus tax). What manner of horrible things await you? Let’s take a look.

Oh my fucking God who art in heaven. You’d think flaming meteors were falling from the sky and these people were running inside to get shelter. No. They just wanna save some money, for fuck’s sake!
Now, here’s a few things I gathered from the following photo, which should help you expect in advance the situations you’re gonna face:

Yes, you can expect all sorts of sexual abuse if you’re a woman, and if you’re a man, well, the thought of sweaty balls grinding against you from all sides is not a pleasant experience. Sure, you might say it would be pleasant for me, but trust me, It is NOT pleasant when the man who is grinding his balls against you looks like fucking Brian Peppers.

The expression on the female cop on the right is priceless: "Ewwww OMG what the fuck is wrong with all these savages?!"

They just wanna save a few bucks! I’m sure that justifies breaking not only the glass, but the theft sensor right beside you.

So they finally let people in. This is the good part. This is when I’d like to wake up early and just stand aside with a hi-speed camera and catch all this unbridled stupidity frame by frame.

Ah, but it doesn’t end here my friends. Obviously, In an event as brutal as this, lives are put in peril:

Yes, the guy in black just jumped over her like nothing happenned.

Come on people!! Where is that world-famous hospitality, good will and generosity that Puertorricans are known for?

Ah, there it is.

Of course, there are those who are too young, too innocent, or just too damn clumsy to face a horror such as this. These ones, of course, suffer a horrible fate.

Sadly, those children did not survive. Their mother, however, got her hands on that fabulous inflatable Santa for just $49.99!!!!! (plus tax). And there was only one in the whole fucking store!!!! Fuck yeah!!!!1

……

These pictures are just solid proof that this island has just gone to hell without a way back. The notion that on a single day you’re gonna get savings so outrageous (yeah, right) you have to practically spend the night at a store and the ignorant fear caused by the shadow of a recently installed tax clouds these people’s minds into thinking they will save so much money that risking their health and sometimes even their lives is not an issue to them. This is the lowest, sleaziest, most disgusting and downright monstrous side of capitalism. And they just fucking love it.

What. Don’t believe me? You don’t think these people find pleasure in behaving like prehistoric wilderbeasts looking to save a few bucks on stuff that goes on sale practically all the time?

Just look at the face on this bitch:

Doesn’t that just scream complete and utter shopping bliss? I bet her panties were a squishy wad at that moment. I couldn’t come with a definitive caption for the picture above, because so many things come to mind. So I’m gonna let YOU, the reader, choose the perfect caption to go under this picture, and I’ll post my favorite later on. Just leave it in the comments and I’ll see that it makes it to the front page, because, frankly, I’m all out of words to describe the look on that woman.

Wait a minute no, actually a few words come to mind. Something along the lines of:

PARCELERA, TIERRÚA, VIEJA PUERCA, JÍBARA, CAMPUNA, ANIMAL DE BELLOTA, BECERRA, CAFRE, ÑANGRE, BESTIA CERRERA, BURDA, GROSERA, INCULTA, BARATA, CHOPA, ADEFESIO, CHARRA, ZAFIA, CHABACANA, ORDINARIA y sobretodo RIDÍCULA.

Get a life. Seriously.

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