WARNING: this thread is so GEEKY it will have you wearing pocket protectors by the time you’re done reading.

My fellow Gamers:

I HAVE NO LIFE.

This Christmas, unlike any other Christmas I have ever spent in the history of… well… everything, I have so many games and game systems that I don’t even know what to do with my life. It’s disgusting.

I remember back in the 90’s, with no money, no job, and barely any games to play with, surviving only through the "charity" of Blockbuster Video, who kept my gaming thirst in check with their rentals. I was so desperate to play i didn’t fucking EAT so I could save money to rent a game on weekends. And sometimes I was lucky enough to save for half a game and my parents begrudgingly agreed to lend me the other half.

Fast forward to today:

5 consoles and a PC. SIX GAMING PLATFORMS. Good grief. Now I seem to spend more time thinking what to play than actually playing anything.

It seems I’ll have to do the unthinkable now: Construct a gaming schedule to distribute my game time so I have a decent chance to at least finish the most important titles sometime in the near future. To give you an idea of the gaming maelstrom I’m spinning in, here’s a console by console rundown.

THE STATE OF THE WII

The starchild of all the consoles, this baby is getting all the attention this season, not only because it’s a newborn (got it only 2 days ago) but because it’s the most fun I’ve had playing a console in DECADES. I’ve never been this excited over a console launch since the days of the PS1, and all the hype and the waiting (and the name hating) were all worth it. In the end, the big N won me over and as long as support for the Wii equals or surpasses the support for the DS, my whole bank account belongs to Mr. Iwata. Right now my Wii library is rather poor, but it’s more than enough to keep me busy for weeks on end:

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

What’s there to say about Zelda that hasn’t been said. The game owns. The story owns. The control owns. The graphics…. meeeeeh… they’re alright. I’ve been unable to get my hand on those damn component cables (which is Nintendo’s fault for understocking them and selling them only online), so the graphics on my TV (none of that hi-def or flat screen shit, just good ol’ fashioned 27" CRT) look washed out and fuzzy. I was expecting this, since it’s common knowledge that the Wii is not a graphics-intensive console. Also, the camera could have used a bit more manageability, but that doesn’t even make a dent in the game. As long as this game is spinning on my machine I won’t care about any other Wii games for now (unless it’s name starts with Final and ends in Fantasy).

Marvel Ultimate Alliance

This game should be called X-Men Legends 2.5. It’s basically the same game engine with improved graphics (the previous games were cel-shaded, now they have a more realistic look). The leveling system is still there, you can adjust it to level up your crew automatically or if youre a control freak like me, save up your experience and distribute it amongst your "posse" as you like. Speaking of "posse", The game includes a few more characters than Legends 2, pushing the playable roster to over 20 (if you buy the game in GameRAPE… I mean, GameStop, you get the code to unlock Silver Surfer) including a few favorites making a return, like fanboy favorite Wolverine, Iceman and Storm. The controls, however, take a little bit to get used to. Since this game used to be button masher, thrashing your enemies with the wiimote can be tricky. Shake the remote = a 3-4 hit combo. Swipe it to the side = Leg sweep. Swipe it down = Stun attack. Swipe it up = uppercut that throws opponent in the air and sets him up for more hits. Thrust the remote forward = Dash attack. Now, combine all these "gestures" with the trigger button and you unleash some truly awesome attacks, like Thor’s Hammer Throw, Spidey’s Web balls, and Iron Man’s Plasma shots. It sounds overwhelming, but thrust me, you get used to it in a few minutes, and learn to love it. And guess what: 4 PLAYER COOP!!!! W0O0O0!!! (don’t get excited yet, I still have only 2 wiimotes-nunchucks). I have yet to try 2 player multi with Darkie, hope he likes it. He’s all over Zelda when he gets tired of being sawed in half in Gears of War multiplayer.

Wii Sports

It’s fun, it’s addictive, and it’s FREE! The first pack-in game for a console in decades! and it even uses your Mii’s as playable characters! What the fuck else could you want?! All of the games are more fun than a barrel of monkeys, I’m torn between bowling and tennis right now. I’ll see if I can give the others a chance sometime soon. Also, the game has a system to help you calculate your "fitness age" according to how well you do in sports. My fitness age: 63. Something tells me I should be outside doing REAL fitness.

The Mii Channel

I had to mention this feature because out of all the features the Wii has, this one has become my crack cocaine. The Mii’s are your custom created avatars, used in games (Like Wii sports and the upcoming Wii Play) and also used to represent yourself in messages, e-mails and whatever else Nintendo thinks up along the way. It has a decent level of customization, and so far I’ve been able to create copies of not only myself and Darkie, but also Mr. Miyamoto, Ken Kutaragi, Reggie Fils-Aime, Sephiroth, Harry Potter and Ron Jeremy (ha!) among others. This Mii thing is starting to show signs of the Pokémon effect, where it compels you to collect the avatar of every person on your contact list. And speaking of contact list…

The only feature I consider non-next-gen and rather retrograde is the awful "friend code", where you’re supposed to write down and enter the huge sequence in your friends’ Wii number (and they should enter yours) to create a link and establish a contact. It’s sort of a mutual permission that renders friend-making ridiculously exclusive and prohibitive. Especially when it limits your number of contacts to 100. Now that I think about it, managing more than 100 friends can be quite a chore, I don’t think Nintendo’s servers could take the pounding if your contacts were limitless… Anyway, if you’re the sort of person that does not dwell on game forums or gamer blogs, you’ll have a tough time getting people to share codes with. Luckily, thanks to the guys at neogaf forums I’ve been able to fill half my contact list, but only a small bunch has gotten my code in and activated it, so I only have about 20 active contacts.

Wii Connect24

This is what they call one of the Wii’s most interesting features, the ability to stay connected continuously, even when the console is powered down. When you turn it off, the power LED changes to orange instead of red, telling you that the console is in "hibernation", but it’s still connected. So any system updates, messages, and incoming Mii’s will reach your console even when you’re slaving away at work, like I am right now. Another cool thing about this is that when the Wii receives data, the CD slot glows in an eerie blue light that shimmers slowly. Darkie is afraid of it.

Ok I bet by now you’re sick and tired of my schoolgirl gushing over the Wii, but I’ve never been this excited over a console. Don’t blame me, blame Nintendo for always sticking it to me the way I like it.

–Wait that came out wrong…

…Aaaaaanyway, I’m not finished, oh noes!!! there’s still the other consoles to go through. So if you need to take a break, smoke a cig, stretch your legs, do it now. You ready? OK let’s move on:

THE STATE OF THE DS

My other baby is still seeing some gameplay, even though it’s big brother has taken over the house. Right now I’m in the middle of Contact, but I’m kind of in a slump. My character needs to level up a bit more before I can move on in the storyline, so I’m taking a break from it while I toil away with Wii.

The other games are on hiatus until further notice. New Super Mario has me stuck in the last world, and I fucking hate those swooping crows that throw themselves at you like dive bombers. Fucking bitches. Sonic Rush, even though it’s the best 2D Sonic game ever, has suffered the same fate. I only get to play it in sporadic bursts, advancing one level every time I can. I hate playing as Blaze though. She’s useless. Knuckles FTW! As for Mario 64 DS, I’m already in the second floor of the castle, and it’s also on indefinite hiatus. Guilty Gear: Dust strikers, I’m afraid to say is going to end up as a trade-in. The game was a total dissappointment, especially after I have the chance to experience the true awesomeness of the real Guilty Gear on Dreamcast. GG for DS is just poor controls, nonexistent storyline, chopped up animation and… Multiplayer with no Wifi support? No thanks. Off with his head. Good thing I got it dirt cheap on ebay, or else it would have felt like a total waste. I also gave in to the temptation and purchased the Gameboy Advance remake of Shining Force, the first RPG I ever played and the one that started my years-long affair with this genre. Thank the gaming gods for the DS’s backward compatibility, because my GBA ended up as a trade in many moons ago.

THE STATE OF THE PLAYSTATION 2

Where to begin… I have so many unfinished games for this platform it’s not even funny. This is the console I should be spending most of my time for the sole purpose of finishing all those backed up RPG’s I got piling up. But I’m afraid that until Wii fever fades away, poor little PS2 will remain as a big black paperweight in my tv stand. Hell, even Final Fantasy XII isn’t getting any gameplay lately, that’s how bad the situation is. To give you an idea of the work I have ahead of me, here’s a list of all the unfinished games I own:

• Final Fantasy XII
• Xenosaga episode 2: Jenseits Von Gut Und Bose (Try screaming this last phrase menacingly, I don’t know why it sounds like you’re cursing in german)
• Dragon Quest VII
• Disgaea
• Xmen Legends 2 .with marvel Ultimate Alliance this one will probably end up as a trade-in too.
• Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. Not even the RPG mode has gotten some love.
• GTA: Vice City. This one wasn’t finished because I got bored with it. Probably gonna travel to trade-in land soon…
• Several PS1 games. These ones will just have to wait till a severe gaming drought comes by.

THE STATE OF THE XBOX 360

I know, this console belongs to Darkie, but hey, he hijacks my Wii and Zelda when he pleases, so I do the same with his machine as well. I haven’t had a lot of action on it lately, the only real accomplishment I got was completing Jade Empire and lived to tell about it. The game totally rocked, and it made me a fan of Bioware’s games. I can’t wait ’till Mass Effect hits the console next year. I also started playing Star Wars K.O.T.O.R and Fable, but those will have to wait a loooooong while before I come back to them. I’ve been tempted to pick up Oblivion and give it a spin, but that game is huge and I know I’ll never get to do anything worthwhile with the time it requires.

THE STATE OF THE PC

Guild wars, Guild wars, GUILD WARS!!! I’m right in the middle of Nightfall and I haven’t progressed any further first because of Final Fantasy XII, and now because of Wii. I’m afraid that my guild will kick me and Darky the hell out. I still log in to say hi, but Darkie has already gotten over Nightfall in record time (blame Gears of War). As for MUGEN, I still have to tweak it some more and erase some useless character I added in moments of poor judgment. And also to reduce the player roster to a more manageable size. Right now I have over 700 characters and 200 stages. Don’t ask me where I found the time to do that, but I did. I still toil with it from time to time, especially when awesome new characters are released (OMG Lobo and Carnage!!!11)

THE STATE OF THE DREAMCAST

The Dreamcast may have been killed by poor marketing decisions made by the fucktards at Sega, but fortunately it cranked out enough great games to keep it alive for me and many hardcore gamers out there. Especially now when you can… erm… "borrow" the inmense Dreamcast collection from teh internets and burn it on a CD. Right now my list of… eeh… "borrowed" games is over 30 games long, and growing.

THE STATE OF THE SEGA GENESIS

It’s in a bag in my closet. I don’t even know if it works. Deal with it. In conclusion, the Wii has become my primary console and I doubt I’ll be leaving it alone anytime soon (or Darkie, for that matter). I understand that with the sheer volume of games I have right now I could be playing nonstop for a full year and not be able to finish them all, but I don’t care. This is what I dreamed when I was a snot-nosed teenager, and now, as a snot-nosed adult (fucking allergies) I wouldn’t change it for ANYTHING in this world.

Except for a new console by SEGA.

We can DREAM, can’t we?

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