More out of focus pics for your squirming pleasure!
Since the picture hosting plugin thingy in my Wordpress is a piece of shit, I had to resort again to Imageshack, which is why I’ll have to cut this one short too and leave the rest of the pics for a part 3. Anyway let’s continue and ignore the fact that I’ve been a lazy fuck and neglected my blog for over a week now.
After marveling at the highly original works of art (sic!) in the previous post, I was getting a little hungry. Maybe it was the overabundance of fruit baskets, or the alluring smell of catering tables. As soon as they announced that the tables were open, everyone scuttled around like cattle and proceeded to form lines. As I made a beeline for one of the tables I saw something red, blurry and scary zoom by.
This kid kept scuttling around the floor like she was on cocaine. Anyway, for those of you who can’t make out what’s in that blurry blob (meaning: everyone), I’ll try to describe. She actually thought it would be amusing to dress as Frida Kahlo. It turns out the girl looked uglier than the original. And that’s a fucking outstanding feat to achieve right there. Have you actually seen pictures of Frida? Get whatever thoughts you had of Salma Hayek in that shitty movie out of your head because trust me, that woman was fugly. And her cheap döppelganger was no miss america either. Thank whatever gods you worship this photo came out blurry.
I call these pic "The Three Fates". There was an awful lot of old people in this joint, but these 3 seemed to be the "Elder High Council". I swear their combined ages added up to over 500 years. I bet they’re as ancient as the Fates themselves. They also reminded me of The Triplets of Belleville.
Sweet! Lunchtime! After they were done awarding people the catering tables were open for business! better get in line…
This woman was right in front of me. I took a picture of her head because I swear to you, either my nose was severely malfunctioning, or the bitch washed her head with vinegar. Maybe that’s how she achieved that crispy, helmet hair look. I was not aware that frying your hair with vinegar was the new trend. Silly, ignorant me! Serves me right for letting my Vogue subscription expire…
Hey get your fucking hands off the cuchifritos!
This bald bastard cut in line in front of me as if he owned the damn place. Maybe he did, but I got so pissed off I started serving myself from the same tray he was shoveling food from without even saying"excuse me". He didn’t react to this, maybe because he was aware that he cut his way in and if he dared open his mouth I would stick a fork in his fucking eye.
Great. They deliberately served in small plates so people wouldn’t hoard food. That didn’t stop me from piling all sorts of shit on my plate though. You do NOT fuck with a hungry homo.
They also gave me this strange looking pouch. (also pictured: the awesome Fossil watch my wonderful BF gave me for my birthday) Through a sheer display of willpower I managed to eat without tearing it open to see what was inside. Oh the anxiety. Then suddenly as I was leaving the catering table with a tottering tower of assorted greasy food, I saw that:
OMG!!1 They brought a lava fountain!!1!1
Actually it was a lighted fountain full of some drink that could be best described as lemony cat piss with a hint of fermented rubbing alcohol. I swear a swig of that shit cleared all the mucus in my trachea. I could sing in a lush mezzo-soprano after a full cup.
After trying to down all that junk food with a glass of that glowing battery acid, I tore open the pouch thing.
Yay. Candy.
My mom devoured it. That woman has a sweet tooth that could put Hansel and Gretel to shame.
Anyway after I ate I had a few minutes to kill because I didn’t want to leave so soon and make it look like my presence there was an obligation. I was all cooperative and accomodating that night, even though the heat and the crouds and the inconsiderate mothers pushing baby carriages over your feet were severely testing my patience. But no. This is mom’s night. I was all: "Yo mom, I got yo’ back, bitch!" So instead of sitting down and acting all emo, I roamed around with my trusty cel-cam and started taking pics of the paintings I really liked, and, of course, the ones that made me say "what the fuck" out loud. There were quite a few. Those ones I’ll show you on the next post.
Sorry if this post feels rushed, but it’s late, I’m trying to empty my cell phone’s memory and my head is still reeling around with the fact that today DS and me finally bought the furniture for our house!! ZOMFG!!!
Yeah, I know, I still haven’t moved in with him. I know most of you are probably asking yourselves why in the gates of bloody searing hell I haven’t done so. Mom is already aware, I’m just trying to look for the words, and, of course, the opportunity to tell dad that I’m gonna be moving in the next couple of days. He’s almost never home, and when he is, he is either sleeping or he arrives late from work and I’m already in bed. It’s like fucking destiny doesn’t want me to talk to him. But FUCK destiny. Fuck it in the ass with a jackhammer. I shall do my best to corner him in the next few days and at least let him know. It’s the least I could do after he let me live in his home for 26 years. Not exactly a pleasant thing if you know him in person, but hey, could be worse. Now that I think about it, fuck, I sure got it easy. Almost 27 years old, graduated from college, not having to pay for my car and not paying rent (for now), I guess he deserves a bit of thanks as well, no matter how much of an asshat he can be.
Shit, I was trying so that this wouldn’t become a long post but the words have spilled from my head like blood from an ebola victim’s ass. I’ll try to finish posting pics in the next few days, and hopefully after that, the next posts are gonna be uploaded from DS’s house. 
See ya in a few.
