I also used to think the logo was an eagle. Bullshit. It’s a fucking buzzard. A stinkin’, lazy, good for nothing carrion-eating ugly-ass bird that feasts on things that are already dead or rotting.
Remember my old laptop? The one who fizzled and died and forced me to create Bavmorda, Queen of all that is Evil and Tainted?
Well I’ve been trying to fix the damn thing since the beginning of the year. And failed miserably. When I tell you why you’re gonna think that the planets are aligned in such a way that the possibility of fixing my old laptop are as likely as Britney passing the LSAT.
After CONusa tried to fix the damn thing for nearly $500 and made me wait a month and a half for a stupid motherboard replacement, I asked for my damn money back. Un-fucking-acceptable. Well, since they already told me that all it needed was a motherboard, I instinctively went to the worst possible place to buy computer parts (besides a bum on the street). I found one relatively cheap (compared to CONusa’s gold and platinum plated motherboard with diamond encrusted chips) and ordered it from a guy that, according to his customer reviews, was a "fast, dilligent ebayer". Well, I never found that out. After I made the order, the motherfucker tells me that he only accepts payment from an account with a confirmed address. I won’t even get into those details because drowning you in Ebay’s terms and criteria is the equivalent of showering with boiling shit. The point is, my fucking address wasn’t confirmed yet. I had only made about two transactions so far. Noobs get no respect, even on Ebay.
I tried to negotiate with the guy but to no avail. He ended up cancelling the transaction and I was still without a motherboard.
Since practically every seller I checked out now asked for a fucking confirmed address, I had to resort to DS’s account. We contacted some other guy who had the motherboard along with the lower laptop case, so we gave it a try. Everything went well. A few days later the package arrives and all is filled with glee. We open it up like a christmas present and proceed to reconstruct the laptop.
The motherboard was defective.
By now I was already asking myself if it was really necessary to resurrect that piece of shit laptop. This means now we have to dismount and repackage and resend and REPAY shipping and all that annoying shit. Murphy’s Law was taking residence in my house and raising hell. So I use my valuable lunch hours to send the damn thing through, you guessed it, USPS. I sent it on JULY 12, 2006 at 2 p.m.
Days pass, and no word or merchandise comes from the seller. Hmmm. I wonder. Has he received the merchandise yet?
The screenshot on that link was taken a few minutes ago. It’s Wednesday September 6. Do you see any other activity there besides the date of acceptance?
NO. NOT A SINGLE FUCKING THING.
I call USPS, I call the Minnessota post office where it was supposed to arrive, and they all tell me the same shit. "Go and investigate in the same post office you sent it from". Great. Another long line and another wasted lunch hour. I go to the Bayamon P.O. and after the tedious waiting (that place is always annoyingly packed with old people bitching) the teller shows my receipt to some manager-looking old bastard who looked like he wished to be in a sleazy bar surrounded by 2 dollar hookers rather than dealing with pesky customers. And he treated me like that. He took me to some sort of "employees only area" where he gave my receipt to this sour looking old bat, who by the sound of her whining didn’t sound too pleased to be alive either.
Holy Office Space, is everyone in this place a depressing reminder of how work routine can suck out your soul?
She proceeded to do what I have been doing for the past few weeks: log into their website and enter the tracking number and then told me EXACTLY what she saw onscreen. NOW THAT’S A FUCKING NEWSFLASH, BARBARA WALTERS. OMG YOU’RE SUCH A GENIOUS I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW THE ONLY BIT OF INFORMATION AVAILABLE ABOUT MY PACKAGE WAS RIGHT THERE ON YOUR WEBSITE, WHICH I HAVE BEEN VISITING ALMOST DAILY FOR WEEKS NOW!
Fucking cunt.
Of course, I let her know this in a more civilized manner (click here to know why post office workers are notorious for originating the phrase "going postal") and tried to tell her that USPS customer service and the Minnessota post office told me to come here and ask what the fuck is going on with the package. Well, the hairy scrotum-woman only resorted to saying in her annoying nasal tone: "call the 800 number! just call the 800 number!! you have to call the 800 number!" while trying to attend two other people. I couldn’t believe how fucking frustrating it is to deal with laboral automatons like these. They just lock down and treat you like fucking cattle and don’t care about anything you have to say. They just want to be done with you as soon as possible so they go back to their empty, miserable lives. I turned to the old man who brought me there and asked him: "So, this means that my package is in limbo then?" He shamelessly replied "Yep". I couldn’t believe my fucking eyes. This is what they call "customer service"? I just turned the fuck around and left.
So here I am, still without a motherboard and now with a lost package worth well over $275. My only hope now is the lost package claim I placed on their "help" hotline. They’re supposed to call me in 1 day. And judging by how they’ve handled this situation, I have no hope for anything whatsoever.
Wait a minute, yeah, i do have one hope. I hope that those two fucking useless hacks from the P.O. who attended me today are the lucky recipients of a conveniently packaged dirty bomb.
Next time we use FedEX or UPS.
by DarK SouL September 7th, 2006 at 9:58 amAt this point, tying the merchandise to the back of a drunken pigeon seems safer than using these guys. Lets see what they have to say tomorrow.
by Kaiser September 7th, 2006 at 10:43 am