HAPPY SATAN DAY!
You have won a free pass to be insidiously evil today.
Use it and feel free to make life a living Hell to everyone around you. Don’t know what to do? here’s a list of 70 THINGS THAT WILL PISS PEOPLE OFF.
- Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write "sensual massage w/ happy ending."
- Insist that your drive-through order is "to go."
- Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…"
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
- Speak only in a "robot" voice.
- Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. (they’re a pain in the fucking ass to pull apart)
- Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
- Sniff incessantly.
- Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
- Reply to everything someone says with "that’s what YOU think."
- Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
- Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
- Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
- Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more at any moment.
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
- Give a play-by-play account of a person’s every action in a nasal Gilbert Gottfried voice.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald’s Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.
- Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat a party size bag of tostitos and salsa with your mouth open to amplify crunchy sound.
- Attach a sign that says "FAX" to the paper shredder. Sit and watch to see how many people fall for it.
- Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn’t turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.
- Change the message on the company voice mail system. Get “Creative”.
- Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
- Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- Email your boss the message: I know what you did last vacation.
- Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
- Erect a shrine to your favorite sports team, holding candlelight vigils at 10:00 a.m. and 2:00 p.m. daily.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
- For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.
- Grow mold in your coffee cup.
- Hang mistletoe over your desk no matter what holiday it is. Enforce the kissing rule vehemently. Even with same sex coworkers.
- Hide a rubber cockroach in inventive places. Bonus if it’s someone else’s food.
- Include a piece of your children’s artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don’t have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
- Insist that your e-mail address be: “zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com” (or “thor_god_of_thunder@companyname.com”)
- Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Pretend you’re the captain of a spaceship.
- Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point Sparky.” “No I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Talula.”
- Name all your pens and insist that meetings can’t begin until they’re all present. Make a huge drama if any are missing.
- No matter what anyone asks you, reply “Okay.”
- Page your co-workers to call their extensions so they call themselves.
- Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)
- Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
- Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- Put shaving cream on your boss’s telephone earpiece. Dial the number. When he/she answers, say “Sqwish!!”
- Put those hole reinforcing circles on the center of you eyeglasses. Now go to that executive meeting.
- Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
- Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN.”
- Schedule meetings for 4:50 pm if you work 9 to 5.
- Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc… in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none… Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”
- Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom."
- Send emails one word (or a few) at a time. end each one wth something like, "more to come tuned to your inbox for further developments…"
- Sing “It’s a Small World After All” really loud in your cubical.
- Subscribe your coworkers to those free trade journals. Give them wacky middle names. Example: Bobby “Pud” McNeel.
- Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
- Talk to your mouse as if it is a walkie talkie.
- Wait until a co-worker goes on vacation, then relocate everything they have in their office, and move someone else in their place. When they get back act like nothing has changed since they left.
- When an a person tells you that they’ll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?"
- When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, “I think my phone is ringing” and leave. Go get a coffee. Make sure the other person sees you getting the coffee.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Feel free to print this list and cross the ones you successfully accomplish. Extra Evil Bonus will be awarded if you complete them before the day is over.
¡Rajaooo!
¿En serio nunca te habían “rajao”? o_O Whoa.
*evil grin* Hay un par de cositas de esa lista que me encantaría hacer hoy, ¡empezaré con la 16!
by Ceci June 6th, 2006 at 6:16 amRidicula, parcelera, coje cupones, la que debe estar raja es esa crica llena de hongo vaginal y sida so puta. Jodia ridicula me cago en dios! >:(
by DarK SouL June 6th, 2006 at 7:08 amPor lo que veo Darkie ya está poniendo en práctica la lista de marrrrrdad!!! Ya empezó a cagarse en dios, orita se empieza a cagar en los santos uno a uno
BTW mi favorita en la lista es la 55 jejejeje…
by Kaiser June 6th, 2006 at 11:17 amEs que la mierda esa de “rajao” me lo monda de raiz, los que hacen esa mierda son unos sendos imbeciles de puta madre, me atrevo apostar que esos son los mismos pendejos que le pusieron el “chavito” de churchs a la antena del carro y de los que tienen el cristal de atras de su burra guagua llena de figuritas de la familia, cabrones, se deberian morir todos me cago en dios!!!! >:(
by DarK SouL June 6th, 2006 at 11:29 am^^ HAIL SATAN!!!
by kaiser June 6th, 2006 at 11:30 amWeeeepa vine por el daikiri de estroberi que te pusiste a ofrecer en mis dominios de la charreria
by gatoqueen June 6th, 2006 at 11:45 amAl fondo a la derecha en el minibar.
by kaiser June 6th, 2006 at 12:08 pmMe pienso llevar uno de los centros de mesa de esta bella celebración demoniaca, espero que no te moleste, de mi abuela lo aprendí (en las bodas era lo clasico)
by gatoqueen June 6th, 2006 at 5:30 pmLe dejas el mas grande a mi mai que despues se encojona.
by Kaiser Dämmerung June 6th, 2006 at 8:57 pm