No, I’m not talking about PMS or anything that has to do with vaginas whatsoever. It’s that time of the month for… WEIRD SEARCH RESULT POSTINGS!

What’s that, you say? Well I track down every search result from google or msn or technorati or whatever that led the reader to my page. Sometimes you see the usual crap (mostly searches for free porn) but sometimes there are entries so fucking weird and disturbing you just wonder how the hell are these people allowed to have a computer. Since we’re already in May, let’s start with last mont’s search engine weirdness:

• Foreskin cocks - I remember writing a post somewhere about having some extra skin down there, so it’s no big surprise…
• Korean schoolgirls fucked - Whatever horndog (most probably an old greasy disgusting guy looking for some young glistening asian pussy) stumbled upon this page probably turned around faster than he could say "homo" when he read further into this blog. My bad. It’s not my fault. It’s the government or whatever.
• How girls open up to their boyfriends - DO I LOOK LIKE FUCKING DR. PHIL? this is probably the LAST site on earth you could come to for advice on heterosexual relationships. Ew! Straighties!… Hehehe just kidding. But to answer your question: Buy her expensive stuff and then get her drunk. She’ll open up MUCH MORE than her "heart".
• Utube Sex scandal video - What sex scandal?! who’s involved?! does YouTube broadcast porn?! since when!!… Man, whoever did this search should really take some classes on how to make searches more specific. What if he/she stumbles upon Jimmy Swaggarts sex romp with a prostitute? That footage could leave you scarred for life.
• Women who fuck in from of their boyfriends - first of all… How much time did this retard spend clicking on links before he realized his search had a typo when it was supposed to say "in FRONT of their boyfriends"? Just goes to show you how horny guys lose the flow of blood to their brains and end wandering on my blog looking for poon tang… Now I see why it’s so easy to "convert" a horny drunken frat boy. (According to most gay porn websites)
• My boyfriends mother porn - Ok ok ok hold it. You’re looking for your boyfriend’s porn. That’s nice. But porn… FEATURING HIS MOTHER?!?! WHAT IN THE GATES OF STINKING SEARING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! EWW!!! Or wait. Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe he/she is looking for his boyfriend’s mother’s secret porn stash. Either way, what are the chances of finding that on the internet? (I know, you can find anything in here, but come on!). No matter how you interpret this search, it still sounds fucked up.
• Cabronas - Yes, I know a lot of those.
• Todo reggaeton para el fruity loops - Trá… Trá… Trá… I guess this guy found out the secret of how to succeed in the magical world of reggaetón. Download fruity loops –> program a droning, repetitive beat –> Write lewd/violent/mysoginistic lyrics –> Get a contract –> Let the cash rain over you. Genius.
• Celebrity Penis - (came out like 10 times in different variations) Needless to say, my post on the subject has been one of the most popular. (By the way, a sequel is in the works for all you perverts who wrote wanting more)
• Lolitas 7 to 15 y.o. - How come I get all the fucking sickos?!?! Now i got a fucking pedophile rummaging my site looking for underage lolitas! Get the hell away you bastard, I don’t want the FBI on my ass because of you. (Also don’t ask how my site sprang up in a search that has to do with underage lolitas. I still haven’t figured that out)
• Colin Farrel Naked Pictures - Did you know that my celebrity penis post is one of the few places that displays Colin Farrel’s cock absolutely for free? I bet you didn’t. Be grateful that I haven’t started charging.
• Jude Law nude - Oh and don’t forget: Jude’s pecker is ALSO on display for free. Woohoo!
• Fashiones Woman Sex - …I have no idea either.
• Uncut foreskin cock heads - see first entry.
• Without foreskin - See above
• Famous aries slut - Could he mean ME?
• Tavin Pumarejo - Ok this one is just shameful.
• utube + nude - This one is just pathetic. It’s YOUtube. YOU. Fucking 12 yr olds looking for porn.
• Swinged porn - Is this another sexual deviance involving children’s playground components? Kinky… I bet sandbox porn isn’t as popular.
• Música del baladista loubriel - People: If you entered this site under these search criteria, GET OUT. YOU DON’T EVEN DESERVE TO BE ALIVE (Unless the purpose of your search is to destroy him. Then you’re my B.F.F.)
• Schoolgirls ass fuck - The Korean Schoolgirls from Hell post seems to be atracting a lot of child molesting sick bastards. I should notify the authorities sometime so they use this site as bait. I wonder if they can pay me…
• Ron cañita - Oh great. Now the Tavin Pumarejo crowd is having a party here.
• Puta maricona donde estas metia coño - a reggaeton classic. A jewel among the genre. I have yet to acquire such a milestone of modern music on MP3.
• Puta - You called?
• Puertorrican porn video - You should contact "legislator" and national bottleblower (a.k.a. SOPLAPOTE) Norma Burgos for that one. She’s been talking about it for months and we have yet to see a clip.
• La camara que vende - Not even gonna comment on that one.
• is there any live video performing circumcize big cock - ……………….
• weird contraption for cocks - ………………²
• Demonic sinners - you called again?
• Ewan mcgregor penis meat saber - I just love the fun and imaginative ways people use to look for their favorite celebrity buck naked. Meat saber…. LOL
• Severed foreskin photo - ……………..³
• craving a circumcized cock homo - Wow, this guy must be horribly and unbearably horny.
• Laptop jodia - the story of my life for the last few months.
• Korean sex schoolgirls - I wonder if it’s the same sicko doing all these asian underage porn searches…
• Loca histerica foto - Here. Happy?
• bio de chucho avellanet - If you searched for this for a school project: I’m glad schools are getting shut down. If this search was for personal purposes: please end your life. PLEASE.
• cinemax spiderwoman - did Skinemax get Marvel Comic’s permission to do softcore midnight lezbo porn featuring spiderwoman? Wicked!
• utube really masturbating? - huh? what? when! where! (can a website please itself?)
• taradise cancelled - And thank the lord almighty for that. But it was a huge mistake. I think that a fitting end for that show would be to send her to party in Irak. Smack dab in the middle of Baghdad. That would have made a killer series finale. Either she was blown to bits by a deranged bomb-man or she would slowly kill rebels with assorted STD’s.

The internet is indeed a sick, sick place. I love it.

Posted in Geek Stuff, Reveries |

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