:( 
A short while ago I loaded up my browser and on Google’s main page I found this interesting link for a very "particular" Wiki-How. For those of you who are not familiar with WikiHow, it’s a user-based project designed to be the world’s biggest instruction manual for EVERYTHING, including, of course, living your own life. Regarding this last topic, one of their links today called my attention, since it was titled "How to Make Your Parents Love You for Who You Are". Hmmmmm, that sounds familiar. So I open it up and give it a read.
Ha! It was just as I imagined. They never mention it explicitly, but this how-to post should have been called "Coming Out of The Closet For Dummies". Even though the word gay or homosexual or lesbian or zoophylic goth satan worshipper isn’t mentioned ANYWHERE, you’ll see what I mean. Here’s a copy of the text. Whatever comment I have to say will be in [bold and brackets], of course. I just couldn’t resist comparing this with what I have to go through with a certain paternal figure, the only person in this house who is not aware of my "preferences".
How to Make Your Parents Love You for Who You Are
From the moment of conception, parents have preconceived thoughts of how to raise their child and what they want their child to become as an adult. Their expectations grow with this child, and the child develops by responding to their parenting. Once their child enters into the world of friends, schools and group peers, this child develops his or her own personality. [read: becomes a flaming homo/militant bull dyke] Parents at times may react adversely to their child’s preferences for a life style, and the child feels unloved and unhappy. This is how you can let your parents know that you need their love for who you are - even if that is something far different from their expectations. [This whole paragraph can be resumed in: This is how you come out of the closet with the least possible drama.]
Steps
- Have a quiet discussion with your parents. Find a time when things are peaceful and calm, then ask them politely to hear you out. Tell them you want to explain something to them, and that you want them to listen to all you have to say before they respond. [Reality Check: Expecting him to stay quiet through this can only be achieved by duct-taping his mouth]
- Explain that you feel they do not accept you for who you are, and that you do not feel their love. [In my dad's case there's no problem, since I've never felt anything resembling love him] This will likely upset them. No caring parent wants to hear that their child feels unloved! If they become upset, react angrily, or interrupt, it is important for you to remain calm and quiet. Do not react to their reactions, and wait for them to settle down. Quietly remind them that you asked them to politely hear you out. [The term "polite" is unknown in this household. The most possible scenario? After a barrage of curse words, Lifetime-level drama and absurd accusations, father gets up and leaves, refusing to hear anything else.]
- Tell them that you love them. Make sure they know that you love them for who they are, and in turn you need them to love and accept you for who you are [how can I say "i love you" to someone that's never said it to ME and has never given me a reason to?]. Make sure they understand that you recognize and appreciate the love and understanding they have given while raising you, and that they are and were good parents. [In HIS case, That can be HIGHLY debatable.]
- Remind them that everyone is an individual with different interests, desires, and choices. Tell them that although you learned much from them, you have your own interests now, your own preferences, and have become your own person.
[Yeah, like he's gonna care about anybody else's opinions. His opinion is the only one that matters, remember?]
- Explain your point again: that you feel they do not accept you for who you are, and that you do not feel their love. Tell them that you want their love and acceptance for who you have become. [Telling him this would be like like telling Paris Hilton to stop being a filthy slut. It could happen, but it would take a lot of life-altering events, or probably memory modification or brainwashing.]
- After you have finished, sit quietly and see how they react and what they have to say. If they are positive and accepting, then you have made your point! [Hi!! Welcome to fantasy world!! Here's your wand, fairy wings and pink tutu!!] Hug them [Would you hug a bear after rattling it's cage?] and emphasize again how much you love and appreciate them. If, however, they say that they can not accept you for who you have become, stay calm and tell them you are sorry they feel that way. [Finally, they got a little closer to reality.]
- Consider your choices, which you have two of, depending on your age. You can move out of the house [Bingo!], or you can remain at home [Even in the astronomically impossible case that he accepts me or at least takes the news in a civilized manner, there's no way in hell I'll remain in this house]. Either way, you will know that you have tried to get them to understand, but you have to go on with your life. In time, perhaps you will gain their acceptance and feel their love. [Make that a loooooooooong time.] In the meantime, be content knowing that you have tried.
- Don’t turn your back on loving them. We cannot make someone love us, however we can be loving to someone else. [Blabbity blah blah blah. I'm tired of repeating: How can I show affection to someone like that? I'm certainly not gonna start now, especially after I expect him to get all neanderthal when he finds out.] As you show them that you still love and accept them as they are [Ha! Lets just say I don't "accept" him for how he is, I TOLERATE him, like everybody else in this house.] they may be more willing to respond in kind. [In an alternate universe. But then again, and according to Star Trek, I think I'd be straight in an alternate universe, and I'd be sporting a killer goatee.]
Tips
- Do not lose your cool. [No problem. Im notorious for having too much patience. Especially with him.]
- Do not argue, or demand they accept you.
- Check your own acceptance of them. They may have been brought up themselves in a very different homelife, where acceptance of ‘who you are’ is frowned upon. [Bingo²!] This is part of who they are, and you need to accept that, too.
- Be as happy as you can. Live a good life. [I'm trying, I'm trying!]
- Be open to them and show them love. Help them as much as you can, and show them you will always be there for them.
- Maybe one day through your example they will learn acceptance of what they cannot change , and will love you for who you have become. [See again my previous comment regarding alternate universes]
Warnings
- Be prepared that you will never be accepted for who you are. [Check.]
- Don’t dwell over it if it happens. Just go on with your life and be content in knowing that you tried.
…And there you go. See? It wasn’t too hard to figure out this WikiHow was designed with gays in mind, even though it’s not mentioned explicitly anywhere (note the careful use of words like "preference", "lifestyle" and "acceptance". Even though this article is not acknowledged for what it is, a "WikiHow to come out of the closet" guide, I can’t imagine how many young men and women who do not have the guts to do this without a little morale boost will benefit from it. I, for example, will enforce, or at least try to remain absolutely calm and not lose my cool during the whole ordeal. That thing about having to accept the way HE is for nearly 26 years is a rather good point too. It hasn’t been an easy pair of decades, let me tell ya. Other than that, I don’t care what he thinks afterwards, since I’ll most probably be packing up my stuff to move in with the guy who’s "more than just a roommate".
Well, enough ranting, It’s nearly dawn and this is becoming another miles-long diatribe. I bet you’re sick of those by now.
Wish me luck, at least.
reason why i heavent told my parents im bi… perfectly described here…
by Ginnie February 25th, 2006 at 10:57 am