No, this is not a post about having wild monkey sex in the back of your vehicle (or in the front, if you fancy a little shift stick action).
This is a post about how long and hard my SUV (if you could call it that nowadays) has been raping my wallet like an underage thai whore.
It all began last year, when the car’s transmission went KAPUT and Satan… i mean, dad fortunately had to shell out the $1,000 plus repair cost to get it fixed. After that, bliss for a few months. The car purred like a kitten, with only a few minor electronic glitches (like the radio lights turning off when the car jumped). A few months later, I noticed that when I was on the highway and I stepped on the gas, the gear stuck, as if it was in neutro. I addresed this problem back home and I was just told that it’s ok as long as I drive it in 2nd gear when it starts fucking up. I still had my doubts and I wanted to get it checked, but seeing as I still could get around in it, I ignored it for a few months. On it’s last oil change, I was told by the mechanic that there were a whole other bunch of problems that needed addresing, like brake pads, ball joints and all that shit. That’s when I started getting preoccupied. So I took it to the same transmissions guy that fixed it last year.
They scanned it, and found out, among other problems, that something called a “speed sensor” needed changing ASAP. Great. That set me back for about $100. So I tell him I’ll be back in a couple of days so I can make transportation arrangements, and as I’m backing up on the driveway…

The car turns off on it’s own.

What the fuck?! did these guys forget to connect some cables or whatnot? Why won’t it start up again?! I call on the mechanics and they re-scan it, and it turns out the gasoline pump had just busted. RIGHT THERE. In that exact same place and time. It’s like the fucking truck smelled the alluring scent of a greasy, sweaty mechanic and decided that right there was the best place to drop dead.
Fortunately I was told that right in front there’s a guy that makes those kinds of repairs, so I wouldn’t have to pay much for towing. Yippee.
That would add a couple hundred bucks more to my expenses, according to what they told me needed repairing. $250 bucks, to be exact. Plus the mechanic’s installation fee, which was about $60.
Well, If you’ve made calculations up to now, that little stroll cost me about $470 bucks. More than half of my christmas bonus. I couldn’t be more thrilled.
Today, when I went to retrieve my car (and after painfully whipping out $105), I was told that the car’s true problem resides in it’s electrical system. Turns out it’s fucking up the speed meter and sendind wrong shifting signals to the transmission. I was referred to an electromechanic now and told that If I want the car to last a few more years, I should address the problem immediately. Whoop-de-fucking-do.
Actually, the shallow, Legally Blonde part of me was more worried about the fact that I wouldn’t be able to give good gifts to everyone that mattered, especially my lovely b/f. He’s gone out of his way to coerce me into finally making up my mind about what I want for christmas (I still have no idea). I already started buying part 1 of his gift, just in case… But the main gift is what’s gona make the difference. And don’t worry, this time I’ll wrap it properly
The rest of my family is gonna have to deal with cheap gifts, seeing as I’m finally taking charge of the car’s costly repairs after it was put to my name and I own it officially. I’m sure they’ll understand.
As for the car, my b/f is worrying that our plans to move in together may be put on hold if I buy a new one, seeing as I completely and absolutely refuse to buy a used car. I’m pretty sure that if I get a new one, I’d be paying up to $400 bucks a month, and if we share rent, that could round up to about $300-350 more. I guess I could handle that with my current income, as long as we stop having all our meals in places like Macaroni Grill or Pizzeria Uno. I found out recently that more than half of my income gets splurged in food. Lord, we’re such prissy eaters.
As for my moving plans, they are definitely NOT on hold. Getting out of that house is my top priority, and if my car still works properly after it’s fully repaired (and it doesn’t leave me flat broke) I’ll leave the new car plans for later and instead focus on moving out.

No fucking american-made piece of shit is gonna deter me from moving in with my man.

Fuck Ford.

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