So I got home one day, after promising to take mom shop for groceries. And I see this skinny, nerdy somewhat kinda "cute-ish" looking guy getting out of his car and gowing towards me to shake my hand. Who the fuck is this guy? and why is he parked out front? Is he a mormon? no, he’s not blonde or blue eyed, and he’s not wearing the black tye/white shirt combo. Maybe he’s selling something. Or charging his monthly newspaper delivery fee. Or he’s coming to remind us of the next Dungeons and Dragons convention.
It turns out he is my brother’s coworker, as I see my brother coming out and greeting him and showing him all around the house. That’s weird. My brother almost never brings anyone home, not even girls.
Well, after the initial shock caused by the realization that his social life might not be such a fucking disaster after all, me and my mom went shopping. Not only I had to stand her maddening twists and turns through every aisle in the fucking supermarket, I also had to pay for everything. Whoop-de-fucking-doo.
When we got home a couple of hours later I noticed my brother’s friend’s car was still there, apparently they hadn’t gone anywhere yet. When I got inside the house, something weird and slightly suspicious happenned. The skinny guy was just standing around looking at the various instruments in our living room, and my brother came sort of rushing from one of the rooms, looking winded and sweaty. Right in that moment my mind transported me to Kaiser’s Magical World of Make-Believe Shit That Barely Makes Sense.
Yes, there were a few things wrong with this picture. First, he tells my mom "oh I was just showing him the gym up there, and I started kicking the punching bag around". Ummmm, the punching bag is on top of our house, what are you doing down here, still panting and all jittery?
Second, why did you come out of whatever room almost running? You busy or somethin?
Third, after I bring the groceries (the bastard didn’t help me, yet his buddy offered a helping hand) they both went to his room. I mean, he NEVER brings anyone to his room. It’s small, it’s crowded with crap, it’s pathetic (for someone who makes as much money as he does). What made you change your mind? Is there something you wanna tell us?
I assume that by now you put two and two together and are probably as paranoid as I am. I mean, can you imagine having two gay sons in the same family? I mean, sure, my brother is an idiotic homophobe with the social skills of a retarded baboon, but that’s the thing! Homophobia is most of the time caused by a deep rejection and hatred of something you may be experiencing! It’s been proved that some of the most tenacious homophobes are actually closet bisexuals/homosexuals (American Beauty, anyone?) who live in a constant state of denial because they abhor those alien feelings of same sex attraction. Sure, I may be speculating the hell out of this situation, judging by the straight porn sites and spam dialers that swarm his hard drive. But then that’s when strike four comes in.
He’s obsessed with anal porn.
You check out his cookies and all you see is anal-lovin-lolitas.com or ram-my-ass.net or poopholesluts.org or Asspirates.gov. I mean, what’s with the ass fixation? should we be worried?
Man, can you imagine the face on my dad when his dear older son breaks that sort of news? (or if he finds out by other means, I don’t think my brother would have the guts to face Satan with such news if he was really a homo) I mean, dad would just flip out and start killing people. Seriously. Total ninja-behead-your-grandma-with-a-spatula freak out. I mean, your whole descendance is going to shit! Neither of your male children will be able to procreate! (unless one of us adopts, which I sure as hell WONT do. You know my stance on children.) And mom? She would flood the fucking house with all her crying, but only for a few weeks. Then she would enter a state of nearly catatonic lack of acknowledgement and forget that you actually like men (now that scene sounds familiar…)
Maybe I’m reading too much into the whole situation. After all, he is the LAST person on earth I would expect to come out of the closet, besides our own dad, obviously.
Now that I think about it, he’s never had a girlfriend…
Ok I think I’ll stop making assumptions or I’ll get an aneurysm. Even though It would be absolutely surreal to not be the only person in this family that does not have to bear with such a burden. I mean, can you imagine these two brothers going out on a friday night?
It’s gonna be faaaaaaaaaabulous!
LOL.
Ok maybe not.
LOL!!!!!
You should get the fuck out of the hoyse before the bomb explodes!!!, LOL!!!, because he IS gay!!!
by DarK SouL October 6th, 2005 at 1:01 pmLOL!
…
WTF is a “hoyse”?
LOL²
by Kaiser Dämmerung October 6th, 2005 at 1:23 pmHow would you feel about it if your brother turns out to be gay? Does he knows you are? Did you and your brother have a close relationship? (I guess not) I have so many questions in my head right now… I mean, I would feel horrible if a brother or sister would hide something like that to me, but after all we have a great relationship and I am the one the 3 of them run to for advice… but oh well… let me wait and see what do you say and then I can go on with other questions…
by SPIDERWOMAN October 7th, 2005 at 6:56 amNo one in my family knows that, I I woudnt care is fome brother hides something like that from me, everyone have secrets…
by DarK SouL October 7th, 2005 at 9:54 amOk Spidey, here are your answers:
1) I’d feel vindicated, and would constantly make fun of him and make his life hell for being a closeted idiot, and making me feel like one, with his constant homophobic remarks. I would help him as least as I could, since nobody in my family helped me. (which is mostly HIS fault. keep reading..)
2) Actually he was the FIRST PERSON in my family to find out about me, back in college when we shared a dorm room. It seems he saw me in a liplock with the guy I was dating at that time, probably one of the many times he took me home late at night from a date. The thing is, my brother NEVER told me anything about it (and still doesn’t) and I feel really scornful and dissappointed about him never being honest with me. Instead he told my sister’s husband, since my sister at the time was pregnant and he didnt want to shock her with such news. He lost all of my trust by not addressing the problem with me, the source of it, and instead he went to a guy who is not even related to his family, if only by a marriage license.
3)Yeah we had a great relationship, like 15 years ago. Right before we moved to PR and the sudden change of scenery turned him into an awkward, introverted shadow of his former self. he never sought to address this issue either, so mentally it’s as if he’s stuck in puberty to this day.
4) I would NOT feel bad if he hid it from us. I mean, that is to be expected from someone with so many issues as he. But I would remind him constantly of how horrible it feels to be unnaccounted for by a family member when a particular family issue arises.
From what I’ve answered, you’ve probably figured I have a lot of issues with him as well, but that is totally HIS fault. For never wanting to face any problems head on. Instead he shuts himself in his safe little world and to this day, when he’s nearing his 30’s and with a professional high paying job, he still refuses to come out of it, and refuses to get help too.
Sometimes I feel pity for him, but it goes away quickly. It’s he who must take the initiative. Not us. If he just doesn’t want to move ahead in life, that’s not my problem.
There you have the reason why I envy people who look up to their older brothers. I never have lookep up to mine.
Damn, this post was just like a shrink’s couch! i feel better already!
by Kaiser Dämmerung October 7th, 2005 at 12:31 pmWell, it could also be that he is just an omnivorous pervert, so don’t be too optimmistic that he is a well rounded, normal gay guy.
by Maria October 14th, 2005 at 9:15 amSorry I took too long to come back… hell has taken over my schedules at work and when I have some free time, it’s to update what’s going on in pre. Anyway, I am glad it helped a bit to get stuff off your chest and shoulders.
As far as I can see, my questions are all answered, and future questions are unnecessary, you were pretty eloquent and precise, thanks. I hope this is not affecting you much (or better not at all!), and if by any chance you need someone neutral to talk about it and you trust me, then you know how and where to find me.
Hugs for you!
by SPIDERWOMAN October 28th, 2005 at 6:56 pm