Yesterday I had the chance to watch the final episode of "Six Feet Under". Truly, that had to be the BEST ending sequence I have seen in a long-running series, especially after that disgusting Queer As Folk "final episode" fiasco. Contrary to QAF, in 6FU I felt like every main character in the series got some sort of closure to their issues, considering that for five years they have been through hell and back. The ending sequence, where Claire is shown riding her swanky new Prius all the way from California to NY (I’d love to do the trip someday myself) was intertwined with every character’s death sequence, decades from today. Their deaths ranged from peaceful to downright violent (poor Keith) and were also intertwined with several other happy periods in their lives, like Claire’s wedding to Crazy Republican Guy and Maya’s birthday. They were celebrating life and death at the same time. It was genius.
However, that episode had a strange effect in me. You see, lately, I’ve been feeling a little paranoid. I don’t know if it’s the sudden rise in crimes and kidnappings sweeping the island, or maybe it was my parents’ years and years of psychological intimidation every time I go out and stay up late, yapping about all the horrors that could happen to me while on the street. All I know is that as of late I was being haunted by the idea that whenever I got home after hanging out with my b/f (between 2-4 a.m.) some son of a bitch could see a pattern in my "schedule" and wait for me to arrive home late at night, and in those 15-30 seconds where I open the gates and the house and I am most vulnerable, I could get assaulted. Possibly killed. It even caused me to leave my b/f’s house "early" last saturday (it was about 1:45 a.m.), pissing him off in the meantime. "Why are you leaving now?" he said. "It’s not like you have anything to do right now". I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I was feeling skittish about that "getting home late all by myself" business. I told him something about me being worried about my security, but he didn’t even regard this and even mocked me about it. "Run to your car quick, somebody could chuck you a grenade on the way". That kind of hurt. But I understood him. In fact, now that I think about it, that grenade bit was fucking hilarious (he can be SUCH a bitch… hehehe). But I was being a little absurd as well. The prospect of being shot in front of my house or being carjacked on the way there clouded my thoughts that night. It was like a weird fear of getting killed.
Then I saw this episode of Six Feet.
I don’t know, maybe seeing the natural approach they took towards dying, something I absolutely fear and abhor, kind of put me at ease. I started thinking… Hey, if it’s my time, it’s my time. If I hinder my life thinking that at every corner I turn to there could be a potential cause for murder, then I might as well be dead, because I won’t have too much to live for except for my own stupid fears. Death is part of life, and, disgusting as dead rotting corpses might be (some of you know I have a "hate-hate" relationship with zombies, funerals, dead critters, etc. They just make my stomach churn), I might as well cut the bullshit and accept that dying is a normal thing, and things will be much better if I don’t dwell on it, or the thought will consume me, like it was threatening to do these past few weeks. I had to rely on a bunch of writers from HBO to hit me upside the head and make me realize that passing away is not such a big deal.
Don’t get me wrong, It’s not like now I feel obsessed with the idea of dying (Oh, the pain, the suffering in life, I can’t deal, boo-hoo hoo).
I just wouldn’t want it to happen before I acomplish certain things in my life. Like moving in with my special someone. And riding cross-country from Cali to NY. Or going to Europe, and/or Japan. Or going to Disney and having wild monkey sex in the underground passages and public bathrooms.
Damn, that gives me an idea. I should start making a checklist of stuff I’d like to do before I croak.
Geeky P.S.
Now that I realize it, my character in GUILD WARS is a Necromancer (a wizard that feeds on the bodies of the dead to power himself up).
Oh Irony, it’s lovely to see how it bitchslaps me to the ground and then it points and laughs.
lol, it does not matter that you found out thru the writers of HBO. the important thing is that you found it. I had the same problem with death por quite some time…to tell the truth I don’t know exactly how I got rid of it, but now dying does not bother me anymore. So cheers mate
by mika flores August 23rd, 2005 at 8:46 pm