More like, has it ever been there in the first place?

The title question doesn’t regard my love life. Hades forbid! My relationship is still going strong, I couldn’t be happier with it.
It deals with something I realized a few hours ago. Here’s the scenario:
It’s 1:30 a.m. I’m peacefully cuddling with my man, dreaming of fluffy clouds and rainbow-filled skies, when I am rudely woken up by my cel. It turns out it’s my dad, which pissed me off, since I thought that maybe he arrived home with the rest of my family after watching that boxing match (in yo’ FACE, Tito!), and maybe he wanted to know where I’m at and if I had seen the fight. That would suck bigtime, since I told them I’d be watching the fight somewhere else, when I was really curling up with my boyfriend all night and missing the damn thing. I didn’t even know who the fuck won!

I decide not to pick up the call. Then he calls again. And again. Then the calls start coming from home. One after the other. What the hell do they want?! Can’t they see I’m sleeping with my man? Oh shit wait… they can’t (and shouldn’t).
Just when I say "it mustn’t be important, they haven’t left a message", 3 voicemails pop in at the same time. Goddamn Verizon and their lazy message notices. I check them out, and it turns out my dad wanted to move the SUV I use so it wouldn’t sleep outside, and he forgot about the truck’s anti-theft switch. A few weeks ago I had a new alarm installed with an anti-carjacking device with was deactivaded with a tiny switch, which was left unglued so the customer, a.k.a. me, would place it wherever suits my fancy. Since it’s HIS car, he had put it in a really inconvenient and easy to find place, so this morning I moved it around to a less obvious location. Well, since I wasn’t counting on them moving the fucking car anywhere, I guess I didn’t consider it a priority and forgot to tell him where the switch was now. Well, he found that out the hard way. Once the truck cuts power to the rest of the vehicle, the alarm starts blaring loudly, and it seems they were in hysterics trying not to bother the neighbors with all that fucking racket after midnight.

I call them back to try to put an end to the dilemma, and I’m greeted by, well, I can’t find an accurate translation to the words CABRÓN and PENDEJO, but I got an earful of them. Instead of asking me where the fucking switch was, he berated me, making it look like I did it on purpose, and blaming me for not communicating him anything and many other things which have absolutely nothing to do with his problem. He has a tendency to do that when he argues.
I tried about three times to tell him where the switch was and to explain to him why I had to move it, but it was useless. He kept screaming like a maniac, which pissed me off even more. At one point I almost told him to shut the hell up and let me explain, but he hung up before that. Without even asking where the damn switch was.

You see, any person with common sense would have just asked for help and an explanation as to why I had moved the damn thing from where he had it, but since we’re dealing here with an ANIMAL, I guess all that reasoning goes to shit. First of all, jodío cabrón is NOT something a normal parent would call their children because of a conflict as unimportant as this. That is something you call your worst enemy, or what you say when you want to start a fight. This is not the first time he uses it against me or anyone else in the family. At first, I learned to ignore it when he called me that, especially when my mom came afterwards and told me "oh he’s like that, he doesn’t mean it, it’s because of the way he was raised. His dad treated him and his mother even worse". SO? isn’t that SUPPOSED to have teached him how NOT to treat his family? Can’t he see we’re not in the fucking 50’s anymore?
Even worse is my mom’s attitude, for she has endured things like that, and sometimes worse, for over 30 years now. To me she is either incredibly strong or pathetically weak. Strong for having the stamina to put up with that shit for so long, and weak for not having the guts to bail on that bastard and teach him a lesson in humility. How can she stand it? And why does she urge everyone else in this family to do the same? To just swallow it and move on? Someone has to put a stop to him, and if she, his wife, and us, his damned children can’t, then who?

She is also constantly reminding us that he is always there providing us with monetary stability and well being. Big fucking whoop. He’s been excellent at bringing home the bacon and helping us with financial backup when we’re in a tight spot, but what good is that when every time you fuck up, he promptly reminds you of everything he’s done for you and how ungrateful and/or unappreciative (Don’t know if that word even exists, so sue me) we are to him. How can we appreciate you when you’re such an asshole? You? who have NEVER told me or any of your children (and god knows, your bastard children as well) that you love them?!
A provider. That’s what he is to me. Because, after 25 years of sharing life with this being, not a single moment have I felt like he’s my father. And with every passing day, I’m even more convinced.

Back to the phone call. That word, that single word which is often meant to degrade and to start fights hasn’t exactly started any brawls between me and "dad", instead it has started a WAR. From now on, I will combine all my efforts to move the hell out of this house as soon as I can. To free myself from this pointless verbal violence which has lashed at me ever since I was a little child. Every moment in this god-forsaken house is made worse because of him. And frankly, I’m too fucking tired.
Hopefully, with my new position at work, my chance to move away from home will increase greatly within the next few months. This silent uprising started to boil years ago, but this night it reached the point where it fizzles out of the pot.
I don’t wish him any ill will, because I’ll always be thankful for his support. But I will forevermore be ashamed and dissapointed to have had such a deficient father figure to look up to. In fact, now that I think about it, I didn’t have any worthy male role models to look up to, My elder brother is also a fucking immature idiot. Lord know that is the reason why I turned out to be a fuckin’ homo. I feel a great deal of envy when other people talk about their fathers or older brothers as if they wer superheroes. I guess I’ll never get to experience that.

I also realized how deep this problem was when even my boyfriend got upset after being witness to the way he treats me. After listening to the kind of shit I have to deal with, he got royally pissed off. "How can you let that happen?", he said. I don’t "let" it happen. If I were in a more advantageous position, I would have put a stop to his bullshit a long while ago.
Needless to say, getting me upset with the way he acts is one thing, but seeing my boyfriend get all worked up because of something he said or did is more than I can bear. My relationship is sacred, and if you start affecting it with your behavior, even when you don’t know of it’s existence, then something is clearly and horribly wrong. Now, to me, he’s like a sickness made human, his actions affecting even people who have absolutely nothing to do with him.
You may think that’s not a good enough reason to write this poisonous diatribe against him, but bear in mind this is the result of years upon years of abuse. He has always been like this, and if throughout the years he has been unable and unwilling to change his ways, then I will just pack up and leave this lost cause. Let someone else deal with this baggage.

I QUIT.

Posted in Dark Soul, Family, Rants |

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