:( 
Because you asked for it!
Ok. Only 1 guy asked for it, but what the hell, here it goes…
(Continued from last post)
I thought about it for a few seconds, but I gave in. I was just too curious and eager to know what had happenned between us, what prompted this sudden destruction of one of the things I held so dear at that time. (No, not my PS2, thank gawd)
I pressed the little green button, and I heard his voice. "What are you doing?" he said. No hello, not even a cold greeting. Just like nothing happenned.
"What the hell do you mean what am I doing? Is that how you greet people nowadays?" I said. I might as well play along and treat him as if nothing happenned also, I wanted to see how far he would go in his absurdity.
"Oh, don’t be mad, It’s just my new thing, I’m learning how to treat people in a cold and detached way for when I move to NY." I didn’t want to accept it, but his voice brought back so many memories that it took me a few moments to answer his inane comments.
"Yeah, I noticed that, I was your first victim."
"Ouch. Hey, what are you gonna do tonight?"
"What do you think?"
"Well, I don’t know your plans, so tell me, I want to see if we can get together and finally sit down and talk about a lot of stuff I’ve been meaning to talk to you about."
"I would love to, but I’m afraid you’ll just stand me up again." I tried to sound as dry as I could, to make him feel as uncomfortable as he had made me feel.
"Listen, I’m truly sorry about that, It’s just that… Look, I rather explain everything to you in person. Trust me, I’m not gonna bail on you this time. You can call me at anytime and I’ll answer."
"…Okay then. Swear it on something you hold very dear."
"I swear it on my Madonna: Reinvention Tour tickets."
"Damn, you really are serious. Okay then, I’ll see you later."
A couple of hours later I was on my way to OSJ, where I was supposed to meet him at Starbucks. And I didn’t.
He stood me up again.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ha! Just kidding. I did meet him. I called him about three times before I arrived there just to make sure.
I entered the overpriced coffee shop and saw him sitting in the back, wearing jeans, leather sandals (which I abhor, but never criticized in him because that was his style. Ugh), and a shirt that just screamed QUEER to every person that was not into high fashion, in other words, the whole fucking place. It was a frilly, loose fitting, almost see through rag that looked more like women’s lingerie with long sleeves. It made me wanna puke. And that was good. I didn’t want to like him at that moment, no matter how gorgeous his face may look.
I sit down swiftly and I startle him. He seemed to be in a deep reverie, probably thinking up whatever speech he was going to babble on about. What went on after we said "hi" was a series of apologies and explanations over the steam of expensive coffee. It all came down to this: He was severely depressed. He felt like he needed a big change in his life, so he turned his back on his family, his friends and loved ones (Smart move, Freud). He went to NY for a couple of weeks to get away from it all (that’s how he explained the ignored phone calls) and to let off some steam. He also decided that he needed to change his life drastically, so he did not want to date men anymore. He wanted to be straight (at this point I chuckled, because he said this while wearing that awful queer-bait shirt). He even told me that he had already banged some ho to prove that he could carry it on (WTF?!). He said that he needed to do this or else he might do something really crazy. I just looked at him as if he had two heads. I had a hard time debating whether everything he said was bullshit or the naked truth.
We got out of the coffee shop and walked along the nearby pier, but I didn’t want to wander that area too much. That’s where we roamed whenever we had absolutely no place to go, and walking those places with him beside me made me feel a bit of longing for the old days, and I just wanted to get over that. To forget him, and to forget we ever loved each other.
We sat down shortly after and kept talking, making fun of how stupid we must have looked walking side by side through all of OSJ.
He asked me if I was mad at him, and I wanted to say YES, I FUCKING HATE YOU. But I couldn’t. I told him the truth. He pissed me off for the first couple of days, but then I just gave up and accepted the idea that something was wrong in his life and I was no longer a priority, much less a part of it. I didn’t harbor any hatred, just a huge chunk of dissappointment. I thought he was so much better than that, not the unstable, indecisive dreg of a man I had sitting beside me, moping my ear off.
He touched my hand and said "I’m truly sorry", which made me feel awkward and confused. When he saw my expression he took the hand off quickly, as if my skin had burned him.
We hanged around for a few more minutes, and finally, we said goodbye. We both agreed that we’d keep in touch, but deep inside I knew it wouldn’t be like that. He had told me numerous times in the past that he never kept in touch with any of his ex’s. I didn’t care anymore. I was at peace, and single again.
He called me a couple of times later, just to share whatever banal crap had happenned in both of our uninteresting lives. There was nothing else to share but those annoying "awkward silences" we experience when we have nothing more to talk about.
Some time later, I realized that I needed to get in touch with him. No, I didn’t miss him or want him back, gawd forbid, I just remembered that he still had my entire Queer as Folk season 1 DVD set. I absolutely could NOT let him get away with over $100 in DVD’s. MY DVD’s.
I called him once, and he didn’t pick up.
I was already weeping for my long lost DVD set, when one day, over Messenger, this unknown nickname starts talking to me as if it knew me, telling me I don’t talk to him anymore. It was him. I feigned interest and surprise, and decided to wait a few minutes to tell him about the DVD’s. I didn’t want to come off as a materialistic bitch. At least not until I had them all in my hands. Then he could go fuck himself.
He told me he still had plans to move to the states but hadn’t done it yet. He would do it next year.
Great. I still have time to get my DVD’s back.
Aaaaaaaanyway… this concludes the Insane in the Love Membrane trilogy. A small glimpse at past mistakes which definitely teached me very important lessons about relationships, at the expense of lowering my trust and expectations of anyone else I’ve been with.
Luckily, there always comes someone who makes you realize that this world is not full of conniving, treacherous, lying sacks of shit. Someone who proves you wrong when you think that all is lost when it comes to relationships, and makes you want to give it another try without much thought.
I have found someone like that, and so far, he is doing and excellent job showing me that I can still trust and devote myself to someone without fear of having my heart thrown in a blender and pressing the frappé button.
In other words, I feel safe now. With him, there’s no need to feel wary, or paranoid. I am at peace. And I love it. Life is good when shared with someone like that.
And if I ever see him wearing one of those lacey, frilly homo shirts, I’ll fucking poison his chocolate chip cookies.
I know this post is waaaaaaay old and only proves how bored (and nosey) I am at work, but I just HAD to comment after the end of that post. Quite a story - and guy - you had on your hands. Only reminds me of all the lying, conniving, cold-hearted bastards I used to date!
by Xtian February 28th, 2007 at 2:04 pm