:( But… but… but… I like MercyMe, Jeremy Camp, Third Day and lots more! U EVIL...
Oh... my... Gawd. Becky, look at her butt Its so big She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends. You know, who understands those rap guys. They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, ok? I mean, her butt! It's just so big! I can't believe it's so round it's just out there, I mean, gross! Look! she's just so... Black!
-Sir Mix-A-Lot
So I went and got an eye exam. I wanted to find out if I'm a candidate for laser eye surgery, and boy, did they do a number on me.
Apparently they had to dilate my pupils so they can take a better look inside my eyeballs. What a fucking trip. The effect caused by the dilating eyedrops feels as if your eyes were being tied with a tiny rope. Or if a small fist was squeezing them from inside your eyeballs.
After all the tests were made, I looked myself in a mirror. Holy demonic posessions, Batman! My pupils were so big that I could only see a big black hole with a dark brown rim where my iris was supposed to be. It freaked me out at first, but then I started laughing maniacally, because I thought I looked like this little fella.
I had to be driven ...Keep reading.
Lucifer and Lillith have returned hand in hand from their self-imposed exile to the "Divided Lands" (Dominican Republic) and I am still alive to tell the tale.
I got off work at about 7 pm, and I haven't heard from the dynamic duo since about two days ago. I had the slight idea they would come back sometime during this week, but I wasn't sure when, and they never bothered to clarify that for me. Guess they didn't give a blistering fuck, just like I did.
All the way back from work, my mind was just playing back all the discussions, insults and accusations bound to be thrown at my face when I crossed that screen door:
Ectetera, etcetera, et-fucking-cetera. These imaginary bouts were getting worse the closer I ...Keep reading.
I am currently reading David Sedaris' Dress Your Family In Corduroy And Denim, and that novel (Not really a novel, more like a collection of essays, which are fucking brilliant) has just blown me the hell away. Just check out this excerpt:
Lauren was Walt's sister, who was born prematurely and lived for less than two days. This had happenned before the Winterses moved to our street, but it wasn't any kind of secret, and you weren't supposed to flinch upon hearing the girl's name. The baby had died too soon to pose for photographs, but still she was regarded as a full fledged member of the family. She had a christmas stocking the size of a mitten, and they even threw her an annual birthday party, a fact that my mother found especially creepy.
"Let's hope they don't invite us," she said. "I mean, Jesus, how do you shop for ...Keep reading.
The name sounds like a cheesy 80's Pussy-metal hair band, but it's not.
It is a very powerful poison, which smells like a fresh, ripe fart. Why does it come to mind?
Because I need some.
Don't fret, I don't plan on using it on myself or anyone else in a fit of Shakespearean dramatic madness, I need it because as of late, hordes of tiny cockroaches have been spawning from under the kitchen sink, and threaten to form an angry mob with tiny torches and pitchforks and throw me out of my own damn house, taking advantage of the fact that my parents aren't here and I'm the only one left to battle and subdue them.
My dad, cheerful genocidal warmonger that he is, has been using that noxious shit (Malathion) for years, ending all sorts of lower life forms with just a spritz in the right place. That shit ...Keep reading.
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